Double Pistols and a Wink
by sunnysideup07
Summary: After his grandmother passes, Jake accepts his cousin Jade's invitation to stay with her in the city. After getting lost at the train station he knocks cool kid Dirk Strider right off his feet - literally. A love story between two dorks. An AU where basically everybody lives in the same city - Alphas, Betas, Humanstuck Trolls. Rated M for DirkJake and language
1. Chapter 1

Jake tapped nervously on the cool metal between him and the window as the walls of the tunnel flew by in a flurry of darkness. He pulled his train ticket out of his shorts pocket again, the ink beginning to smudge from the rubbing of his frantic fingertips. It was well worn and folded, and he repeated the name of the station over and over again in his head with his eyes squinted shut as if he could absorb the information through sheer force. When he eventually opened his eyes he curled further backwards into his seat, anxious around so many strangers. Jake wasn't used to strangers. Well, he wasn't used to anybody really.

The other people on the train looked innocent enough: a middle-aged man in a white fedora reading a newspaper and smoking a pipe, a mother gently cooing to and rocking her child, an Asian couple clutching cameras and chattering indecipherably. Nobody was threatening him in any way and yet he felt extremely anxious.

When his cousin Jade had invited him to visit he had no real reason to refuse. His grandmother was… gone. It was lonely on the island by himself, surrounded by her memory. Jake had figured some fresh new surroundings would do him some good. Jungle boy Jake's adventure in the big city – it would be fun! As he crouched in an unfamiliar method of public transportation he began to rethink his decision.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to steady his nerves and shaking hands.

_ Calm yourself, you ninny! What kind of adventurer is scared of exploring new places? That's entirely the point!_

Jake tried to distract himself by taking another glance around the train, fedora man, mother, Asian couple, and then… wait. In the very back of the compartment lay a man who had evaded Jake's gaze earlier by effortlessly blending into shadow. Now he was reclining comfortably across his seat, one leg bent gently and the other revealing a bright orange shoe jutting out into the aisle. Jake squirmed in his seat to gain a closer look, eyes travelling upward past dark grey jeans and a crisp white shirt with a picture of an orange hat on it. Well isn't that odd. Who puts a picture of a hat on a shirt? A black jacket was thrown across the seat, lightly covering a small bag and a helmet. Jake sat up a little in his seat to continue his search for the man's face, intrigued.

He gasped lightly, embarrassedly trying to cover the small sound with a cough. The man's face was pale, dusted with freckles, and extremely handsome. Ridiculous black shades in the shape of two triangles sat across a straight nose, his jaw was sharp and relaxed. His hair was a light blonde and spiked up in a sexy way that seemed impossible and yet effortless. Jake almost wanted to run his hands through it, to see how soft it was… WOAH THERE, OLD CHAP reel it in! While Jake stared awe-struck at this extremely strange person with the pointy hair and pointy shades, the man took notice of Jake's flabbergasted look and awful pretend cough. He glanced over at Jake and smirked, eyes hidden behind those blasted shades. With a short intake of breath Jake ducked back behind the protection of his seat, blushing furiously.

His embarrassing moment was interrupted by the conductor speaking calmly over the loud speaker in a cheery but clearly rehearsed tone, "Would all passengers disembarking at Prospit Station please ready your belongings, we shall be stopping in a few minutes. Thank you."

_Prospit Station? Oh good gracious that doesn't sound familiar at all_. Jake had attempted to memorize every station before his so that he could be ready. _Oh bollucks, what if we already passed my stop!? _

Jake panicked, tearing his ticket out of his pocket again. _Oh no, oh no. Relax English, relax. I'll just get off at this stop and find some way to backtrack and find Jade. It will be no issue for a dashing adventurer!_ Nervously, Jake pulled a dark green jacket out of his backpack and slid into the well-worn material. He threw both straps of the backpack over his shoulders and prepared to disembark from the train. He glanced around at a few other passengers also arranging their belongings, heart pounding. His hands grasped at the area around his hips where his dual pistols would usually hang and found nothing. Dang. He forgot Jade had told him to take off his holster as it was "indecent to carry guns on public transportation." A hand on a gun always helped him to steady himself.

When the train slowed and the door opened, Jake bolted out. He cut through crowds of people trying to get onto the train and walked briskly toward a large lighted map on the far wall. He found the train line he had tried so frantically to memorize before, and traced the stops with his finger. He groaned loudly when he realized what a mistake he had made. _Oh dear lord, why am I such an idiot? _He spun around quickly, trying to see if the train was still there or if it was too late for him to jump back on. Unused to the extra bulk of his large backpack, he swung around and heart a low "oof" as the large bag nailed some poor bloke in the chest.

Jake turned to find a man fallen on the floor, motorcycle helmet spinning out into the crowd. Jake's eyes widened as he ran to grab the helmet, already apologizing profusely.

"I am so so sorry about that, I am simply having the worst of luck today. I apologize quite sincerely. Are you alright?" Helmet under his arm, he held out his hand to the man he had knocked over quite unceremoniously.

"'It's fine." The man grunted, grabbing the offered hand firmly and pulling himself up. His calloused hands were covered by extremely soft fingerless black gloves. As he stood Jake's eyes travelled up his lean body to that ridiculous pair of shades and ridiculously attractive face. Jake could feel his own face heating up as he pushed his square frames higher up his nose.

He handed the man's helmet back to him, ruffling the back of his hair anxiously with his other hand. "Sorry again, mate. I've gotten quite off-track in this city hustle and wasn't paying proper attention."

"Not a problem, man. Are you, uh, lost?" The man brushed off the front of his pristine shirt and picked up his bag off of the ground.

Jake laughed nervously "Afraid so. I'm supposed to be meeting my cousin Jade but I panicked and disembarked from the train a few stops early." He reached into his pocket and cursed as he pushed uselessly at his dead cell phone. His grandmother had always told him to be carrying at least 8 computers at once, but his usual gadgets reminded him too much of her and he had left them on the island.

The man examined Jake through his dark shades, his expressionless face not giving any hint as to what he was thinking. After a few seconds he spoke in a low voice, "Your cousin wouldn't happen to be Jade Harley?"

Jake gasped, taken aback. "Why yes! How did you know?"

The corners of the man's mouth curved upwards slightly, "You guys look kind of similar."

Jake's face broke out into a huge smile, revealing shining white teeth. "If you could contact her for me you would be my hero, Mr...?"

"Strider. Dirk Strider." Dirk took Jake's outstretched hand and the brunette shook it animatedly.

"Jake English! What luck, bumping into you!"

What luck, indeed.


	2. Chapter 2

"OMIGOSH Dirk, I can't believe you found him!" Dirk could practically hear Jade's relief through the phone. "I was so worried about him travelling in the city by himself; I should have flown out there and went with him."

"Relax, Harley, he's fine. He got off the train at Prospit."

Dirk glanced over at Jake who was frowning. "Tell her I'm not a blithering baby."

Dirk chuckled lowly, "He seems like a pretty capable guy."

"Oh he is! I'm just worried about him with all these people around, he's been living on a freaking deserted island for God's sake." Dirk heard the bustling sound of cars honking and people shouting behind Jade's anxious voice. "Oh jeez, with the way traffic is now I'm like two hours away from you guys."

Dirk looked at Jake, looking him up and down behind the safety of his shades. "I'm picking up my bike from Equius and then heading your way, I can just drop him off at your place."

"Are you sure that wouldn't be too much of a hassle?"

"No, you're on the way."

"Oh Dirk, thank you that would be amazing. Can you put him on the phone? I don't want him to think I'm sending him off with some rando."

Dirk handed the phone wordlessly to Jake who put it to his ear and spoke cheerily to his cousin. "Hey, Jade!" He turned around and walked a few paces as he talked.

Dirk leaned against the wall with one hand in his pocket, a stance he had perfected in order to achieve optimal coolness. He took the opportunity to examine his new charge more carefully. Rid of the large backpack he had set on the floor, Jake's body was revealed to be lean yet well-muscled. He was probably an inch or so shorter than Dirk but wider at the shoulders. He had tousled brown hair that seemed effortlessly disheveled, and Dirk sighed with jealously as he realized that he probably didn't style it at all and just woke up like that. Lucky bastard. Jake was wearing a white T-shirt, green jacket, and… damn. Dirk had to stop himself from whistling when his eyes landed upon that flawless ass. Never in the history of humanity had a pair of khaki cargo shorts fit an ass more perfectly. Wow. Just… wow.

He was broken out of his ass-gazing trance when Jake, still on the phone, turned and gave him an odd look. Dirk cocked one eyebrow, what the hell was Harley saying about him?

"Uh huh. Yeah." Jake laughed, still looking at him. "Okay. I'll see you in a bit! Okay. Bye!"

As Jake handed his phone back, Dirk allowed his cool façade to break out of curiosity. "What did she say about me?"

"A gentleman never spills a secret, good sir." Jake smiled and shot him a sly wink.

_Fuck, he's cute. _"Alright then, let's go." Dirk grabbed his bag and helmet and began walking toward the exit of the train station. Jake picked up his backpack and jogged a bit to catch up with his long strides. Dirk effortlessly weaved through the crowd, cutting a path for Jake who followed closely behind him. As he walked he sent a quick message to Equius.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

TT: Hey man

CT: Hello mister Strider, I assume you are pestering me about the current status of your motorbike

CT: I am putting the finishing touches on my repairs and it will soon be completed

TT: Awesome. When should I come by?

CT: Around 30 minutes should suffice

TT: Thanks again, I'll see you then.

CT: E%cellent

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

Dirk turned to Jake as they stepped out onto the street. The words he had planned on saying were lost in his throat as he looked at Jake, his face filled with a sort of childish wonder. Jake spun around slowly, taking in the sounds of busy honking and marveling at the pristine chrome of the skyscrapers. People bustled by, more people than Jake had ever seen in his life.

Very quietly, low enough that anybody other than Dirk would probably never hear, Jake whispered, "_It's just like the movies_."

Dirk coughed, feeling like he had somehow witnessed an extremely intimate scene. "We have around half an hour to kill before my bike is ready." He paused, "Is there anything you want to do in the meantime?"

"Coffee!" Jake turned to him, green eyes lit up with excitement. Dirk was slightly surprised by the request but kept the emotion off of his ever-composed face. Jake rushed to explain, realizing how strange he sounded. "My grandma hated the stuff and I've always wanted to try it."

"Coffee it is then." Dirk stated matter-of-factly as he began to walk down the street.

Entering the cafe was a breath of cool air as the two men escaped the light summer heat. It was a small yet extremely comfortable shop with a smattering of small tables surrounded by armchairs. Along the windows was a long counter with tall stools, flushed with natural light. Only a few customers currently inhabited the shop, the strangest by far being a tall guy with a purple streak in his dark hair and large hipster glasses.

Jake followed Dirk up to the counter, excitedly shifting from foot to foot. A thin, lanky man leaned casually behind the wooden counter, his hair was messy and brown and he wore a pair of sunglasses with one blue lens and one red.

"Hey what can I get you guys?" He slightly lisped on the last word as he looked between the two.

"I'll get a medium black coffee" Dirk ordered smoothly.

The cashier nodded and turned to Jake. "And for you?" Jake panicked for a moment, realizing he didn't know the least bit about coffee. "Uhh-"

He was cut off by the man with the purple streak in his hair calling across the small room. "Sooooolllllll" he whined, extending the name in a slightly pompous voice.

"ED I'm taking a fucking order." The cashier shot over his shoulder, rolling his eyes.

"But Sooooolll I'm out of coffee!" The man threw his striped scarf over his shoulder and raised his empty cup in the air as if offering proof.

"And why the fuck should I care? Get it your fucking self lord knows you know where everything is."

"Ara, Sol's bein' mean to me!" Jake contained a laugh as the purple-streak man whined at the other girl behind the counter in his strange accent.

The beautiful girl with dark red lipstick and long curly mahogany hair giggled and spoke in a soft voice, "I'll refill your coffee, Eridan."

"Thank you." Eridan shot a look at the cashier who returned it with a death stare. "Glad to know somebody around here knows how to treat a customer." He spoke with a sort of wavy accent, repeating the sounds of his w's.

"Fuck off, ED."

"I'm sure you'd like that, Sol!"

This time Jake did laugh as the cashier, whose nametag read "Sollux," turned back to him. "Sorry about that fish dick."

"I HEARD THAT!"

"CONGRATULATIONS!"

The other customers of the shop seemed used to their banter, most either ignoring the two entirely or laughing along with Jake. When he regained Sollux's attention he stated abashedly, "Well, I've actually never had coffee before but I want to try it. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Honestly, everything AA makes is great. I'll just tell her to surprise you." The curly haired girl behind the counter waved cheerily from where she was making Eridan's refill. "That'll be $6.12."

Jake reached for his backpack but before he could even get it off of his back Dirk had placed exact change on the counter. "I got it."

Jake was taken aback. "Mr. Strider that certainly isn't necessary!"

"Nah, it's cool." Before Jake had time to do anything Dirk was already taking his receipt from Sollux and walking towards a table. Jake followed him and sat down in one of the plush chairs. Dirk didn't say anything, and it was impossible for Jake to tell what he was looking at behind those shades. He settled comfortably into the chair, and tried to remember all of his favorite movies that had scenes in coffee shops. The two settled into a comfortable silence.

In what seemed like no time at all, the pretty barista came by with their drinks. "Here you go, boys!" She smiled warmly at them both. "My name is Aradia if you need anything!"

"Thanks!" Jake returned her warm smile and Dirk nodded at her before she walked away. Jake picked up the hot cup tentatively, wafting the wondrous aroma emanating from the drink. He blew on it softly and then took a sip, almost dropping the cup as he gasped. "Holy Toledo! This is amazing!" He stood up in his seat and waved excitedly to the barista. "Aradia, this is simply wonderful!"

She giggled, smile lighting up her face. "Thanks! My pleasure!"

Dirk sipped his coffee, smiling slightly as he observed Jake's excitement.

Jake sat down, took another sip, and sighed contentedly. "And thank you, Mr. Strider."

"No problem. You can call me Dirk, by the way."

"Then I'm Jake to you!"

"Deal." Dirk leaned back comfortably in his chair.

"So… Dirk. Jade tells me you have a brother?"

"Yeah, Dave. He's two years younger than me and a little shit." Jake could see in the curve of his mouth that Dirk cared about his brother a lot. "Do you have any siblings?"

Jake cupped his coffee with both hands and sat back. "Afraid not. It's just me. And Jade of course! I love her to pieces."

Dirk smirked as if remembering something funny. "Yeah she's a pretty cool girl. Did you guys grow up together?"

"We did a bit when we were younger, but then after my parents passed my grandmother took me in and I moved with her out to the island."

"Is that where you get your accent?" Dirk had decided it was definitely from some area of Britain.

"Yeah she grew up in England"

"I'm familiar with her work. She is… was a genius. I'm sorry for your loss." Dirk shifted uncomfortably, not used to consoling people.

"Yeah, she was." Jake sighed sadly.

Dirk felt an odd pang in his heart watching Jake with such a forlorn look. He waved down Aradia as she was making her rounds. "Hey can we get another one of whatever he has to go?"

She smiled, "Sure thing."

After a minute or so Dirk paid for the second drink and handed it to Jake who perked up immediately. They gathered their things and Jake waved goodbye to Aradia as Sollux and Eridan bickered over something Eridan was holding in his hand and shaking around.

As they walked out the door and down the street toward Equius' garage, Dirk felt this odd urge to touch Jake, to pat him on the shoulder or hold his hand. He shook his head, banishing the thought. _You just met this guy. Get it together, Strider. _The two walked together in the setting summer sun.


	3. Chapter 3

Equius' garage was a low-set dark grey building. Pieces of machinery like tires, metal scraps, and sparking robotic limbs littered the floor. The air smelled vaguely of oil and… chamomile tea? Jake prided his English heart on being able to identify a good tea.

"Its chameowmille!" purred a voice behind him. Jake jumped and whipped around to be face to face with a petite girl. "Would you like some?" The girl wore a wide feline smile as she held out a large pink teacup adorned with tiny black cats.

"Um, yes. Thank you." Jake took the cup gently from her outstretched hands. The girl was perched rather precariously on a large metal workbench, although she balanced expertly on the balls of her feet as if she didn't notice.

_I'm going to be up throughout the night with all this caffeine people keep offering me…_ Jake thought concernedly to himself. After a moment he smiled, _well having too many nice people offer you beverages is really the opposite of a problem. _

He recovered from the slight shock the girl had given him and examined her more closely. She had olive-toned skin and giant green eyes like a cat, on the surface they were innocent and cute but Jake could sense the unwavering attention of a hunter. Her cropped black hair was tamed beneath a blue beanie with a knitted cat face and orange ears. She settled Indian-style onto the bench and examined Jake before smiling even wider. "I'm Nepeta!"

"Jake English! Charmed to make your acquaintance." Jake extended the hand that was not firmly grasping the tea cup and Nepeta shook it excitedly.

"You came with Dirk, right?" Her eyes flicked between Jake and Dirk who was standing on the other side of the room conversing with an extremely tall man.

"Yes! He's a friend of my cousin's and helping me out of quite the pinch at the moment."

Nepeta sighed, a dreamy look coming into your eyes. "_Purr_fect. Absolutely _purrfect." _

Jake furrowed his brows in confusion. "What's per- uh I mean – _purr_fect?"

Nepeta giggled at his use of her cat-pun. "Why, the two of you! I have an eye for these sorts of things."

Jake nearly dropped his tea, face turning extremely pink. "Why my fair lady I have absolutely no idea what you are on about."

She giggled again, not saying anything and instead demurely sipping her tea. Jake did the same, bowing his head in embarrassment.

While he drank he watched Dirk who was involved in a heated conversation about robotics with the tall fellow he presumed to be Equius. Jake had been completely lost a few sentences in and decided to explore the workroom when he ran into Nepeta. Dirk was flailing his arms about, explaining some wild concept no doubt, talking animatedly in a low voice Jake couldn't hear. It brought a smile to Jake's face to watch him speak so enthusiastically, occasionally running a hand through his perfectly styled blonde hair. Jake was a tad jealous of Equius even, able to engage Dirk so thoroughly when all Jake had gotten out of him for the last hour or so were a few sentences.

Nepeta giggled again, breaking Jake's concentration. He blushed realizing he had been concentrating so hard on Dirk in the first place.

"You know, Equius is my best _fur_end in the entire world." Nepeta stated, smiling as she recalled some fond memory.

"He seems like a rather… strong chap." Jake noted Equius' large muscular arms exposed by his black tank top, long black hair tied back. He had a towel wrapped around his neck which he used to wipe his face occasionally.

"Yep, he is. But he can also be a big softy." Jake raised his eyebrows, trying to picture the huge man across the room having tea parties with the petite girl next to him. Just the thought of his tall frame bending down drinking "chameowmille" tea out of a pink saucer seemed preposterous.

"I mention it because I don't want you to be jealous of him, see?" Nepeta looked at him with her large green eyes, set as if determined to make a point. "He and Dirk are just _fur_ends."

She leaned in close, bringing her voice down to a whisper. "Just between you and me, I think he has a crush on the pretty girl at the coffee shop a few blocks down."

Jake was surprised as he became a confidante to the girl he just met, but slightly relieved to hear the news. He thought of Aradia from the coffee shop Dirk had just taken him to, "Well she's absolutely lovely. I'm sure they would be very sweet together."

Nepeta winked at him. "Oh, I know. I'm working on it."

Suddenly a deep voice billowed from across the room. "Nepeta. Please do not accost our guests with odd information. I can see you whispering over there."

"Wouldn't dream of it! _Purr_haps you are seeing things!"

"Nepeta." Equius said sternly. "Why don't the two of you come over here anyway, Mr. Strider and Mr. English are about to depart."

Jake walked over to stand next to Dirk as Nepeta raced around the room, running across the various worktables on all fours, and launched herself at Equius. He braced himself as if completely used to this occurrence as she climbed up his body to sit on his shoulders. She leaned forward and began to talk to Dirk in rapid Japanese.

Much to Jake's surprise Dirk answered in equally speedy Japanese, a language Jake could recognize from all the old samurai movies he had watched but not come close to understanding. He barely caught the last line as Nepeta pointed at Jake and winked at Dirk, "_Kare wa kawaii desu ne." _

Jake looked at Dirk with his eyebrows raised, expecting a translation, but Dirk only reddened slightly behind his shades. Equius stood still as stone, looking jaded and used to Nepeta's strange antics.

"Again, your motorbike is in the other room, completely repaired and ready for your use. I upgraded the engine to a STRONGer model of my own design, although I didn't touch any of the electronics as that is more your area of expertise."

"Thanks again, man. You're the best, as always" Dirk extended a fist which Equius bumped with quite a bit of force.

"Can we expect your attendance at paint-ball this weekend?"

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Excellent." Equius wiped his forehead and smiled. Nepeta, still perched on his shoulders and jostled by his use of the towel, chimed in.

"Jake you should come too! You can see me use these babies –" Nepeta held her arms out and clenched her fists as three long blue blades shot out from each of her gloves. The contraption that dispensed them was hidden beneath her long green sleeves.

Jake jumped back, shocked. "You play PAINTBALL with those!?"

"Equius designed them, aren't they _paws_itively amazing?"

Jake looked completely stunned for a moment before stepping in for a closer look. "Why, they're bloody brilliant. I'm more of a gun man myself but I wouldn't mind a pair of those. Don't see how they are appropriate for paintball, but still."

Equius flushed, pleased by the compliment. "It's more of a paint war really. It started with a small group of our friends and then expanded quite a bit. Everyone wields whatever they are the most comfortable with."

Dirk shrugged, "Dave and I usually bring katanas."

"Well isn't that something." Jake said, still admiring Nepeta's claws. He turned back to Dirk, "Does Jade participate?"

Dirk replied with a smirk, "Harley is one of the best shots there is. Nobody can shoot straighter." He stopped to think for a second, "Except for maybe Roxy when she's sober."

"Well that sounds like a grand old time!"

"It would be a pleasure to have you partake in the festivities, Mr. English", added Equius thoughtfully. "I believe it would even out the teams."

Nepeta cheered, "And afterward we all celebrate at the bar Roxy works at!"

Equius looked sternly above his head, "Now Nepeta you know I do not condone your consumption of alcohol."

Nepeta shooshed him with a pap on the forehead. "So we'll see you both soon!"

"Certainly!" Jake waved at the two cheerily as Dirk led the way to the room where his bike was parked.

**Author's Note ****Thank you so much to everyone who have favorited/followed this story! (An extra special thanks to the lovely anon who reviewed) It's my first fanfiction and I'm overwhelmed by your positive response :) I'm leaving on a trip in a few days so there might not be an update for a little under two weeks. Sorry for the inconvenience! **


	4. Chapter 4

Jake let out a low whistle as Dirk led him to the back of Equius' garage. Perched in the center of the room was a sleek black motorcycle that emanated speed and undiluted coolness. Its design was modern and unlike anything Jake had ever seen, judging from the way Dirk ran his hands over it Jake suspected his new companion had built it himself.

As Dirk inspected the bike accented details of it began to pulse with an orange light. Lines of neon color ran through the frame in geometric patterns, throbbing to some invisible beat.

Dirk sighed, a look of content on his face. "It's perfect."

"I'd say!" Jake exclaimed, still in awe of the machine in front of him. "Did you build this?"

"Yeah," Dirk reddened slightly at the compliment, "It was sort of a pet project of mine for a long time. Equius helped with the engine and runs repairs when I don't have the time."

Jake took a step forward to run his hand along the seat. "It's absolutely marvelous."

"Wait 'till you see it ride." Dirk smirked as he grabbed a gray helmet off the wall. He turned and looked thoughtfully at Jake for a moment, then swapped it out for a dark green one instead. He threw it across the room and Jake caught it easily.

Dirk watched Jake fumble with the strap for a moment before walking over and taking the clip from his hands. Dirk's gorgeous face was suddenly very close to Jake's as he fastened the strap neatly. Jake's eyes went wide and he felt his heart begin pounding double-time. _Oh goodness I hope he can't hear that. _Jake gulped and admired the dusting of freckles on Dirk's nose, almost getting a look at the eyes hidden behind those shades.

Dirk looked up to meet Jake's startled eyes, suddenly aware of how close he had gotten unconsciously, and coughed as he turned away toward the bike. He put on his black jacket and threw his bag over his shoulder. As he mounted the bike he slid his own helmet on effortlessly.

Jake watched as Dirk fiddled with the controls, flicking switches and turning dials until the bike hummed with energy. He tentatively threw his leg over the side and slid into the seat right behind Dirk.

_Good gravy, what do I do with my arms? _Jake flailed nervously for a second before his question was answered as the bike took off like a rocket out the door of the garage. He felt himself being jerked back by the sudden burst of speed and threw himself forward to wrap his arms securely around Dirk's waist. He could feel the outline of Dirk's abs through his jacket and tried in vain to ignore that particular observation. _Not the time, buddy! _

As he clutched Dirk he found his head pressed firmly onto his shoulder, a crisp clean scent enveloping him. Jake immediately fell in love with that smell, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. He caught himself again. _Come on, this is most certainly not the time!_

Jake twisted his head and examined the city to turn his attention away from all of Dirk's more… distracting qualities. However, he found only a gray and green blur and the bike sped through the streets at a speed that was almost certainly not legal. He could feel the force of the wind whipping past and heard its howling as Dirk cut through it effortlessly. Jake couldn't help but smile widely at the dizzying speed. He clutched Dirk tighter to ensure he wouldn't fall off and enjoyed the thrill of adventure he thought he had left behind on the island. Perhaps the city would be full of more surprises then he thought.

Dirk gulped, mind racing as Hal took over most of the steering. God, Jake was holding onto him really tightly. He could feel the warmth of his entire body pressed up against his back, how is it possible for someone to be that warm? It wasn't uncomfortable though, pretty much the opposite. He was so firm, and the arms wrapped around his waist settled comfortably as if they were always meant to be there. His thoughts were interrupted by Hal's bright red writing lighting up the motorcycle's display.

autoResponder [AR] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

AR: Bro.

AR: Hey. Bro.

AR: What are you doing.

AR: Look at me doing all the heavy lifting and piloting this choice ride as you just sit there moony-eyed over sweet-ass back there.

AR: What's up with that.

AR: I look away for 10 seconds to do some fine supercomputer shit and I come back to find you playing chauffeur for some hot island dude.

AR: Wait until Roxy hears about this, oh boy.

AR: You're in for some grade A drunken hijinks.

AR: Real top quality shit.

AR: Like that good china the mom puts away until important people come over.

AR: Way at the top of the freaking china pantry thing.

AR: That of course the rascal kid runs into on a fucking unicycle or whatever and breaks all of it.

AR: Fine china is like a fucking magnet for hijinks.

AR: Hijinks of the same quality that you are going to get once Roxy hears about this.

TT: I don't know what you're talking about.

AR: HAH isn't that the biggest joke of this century.

AR: I'm talking about that fine piece of ass sitting behind you.

AR: You're probably daydreaming about fucking him over a table or something.

AR: I don't even have to read your thoughts I'm calculating a 99.99% chance that is exactly what you are thinking about right now.

AR: I can't blame you, he's pretty damn attractive.

AR: Although we are basically the same person so my tastes are virtually the same as yours.

TT: Don't you have other important supercomputer things to be doing?

AR: No way man.

AR: My bro's sex life comes way before all of my other responsibilities.

AR: Also my incredible processing power makes it possible for me to talk to both you and Roxy, pilot this bike, keep tabs on Dave, predict the winner of the World Cup (we are making mad money off of John by the way), manage all my stocks, and calculate every prime number simultaneously.

TT: So it is more than safe to say that you know exactly what I'm doing.

TT: With the vast powers of your processing abilities.

TT: Pretending to check up on me because you were off doing something else is pretty damn weak.

TT: What do you actually want at this exact moment?

AR: Just looking in on you.

AR: And hot stuff back there.

AR: About whom I already know everything about by the way.

AR: I might as well have a fucking doctorate in Jake English Studies.

AR: Pro-tip, take him to see a movie.

AR: Literally any movie.

AR: You're welcome.

AR: Okay, HAL OUT.

autoResponder [AR] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

Dirk rolled his eyes. Why did he program such an asshole. Oh wait, the program was literally him. Why was 13 year old Dirk such an asshole. Whatever. As annoying as he was, Hal was one of his closest friends. If an artificial intelligence program that was a copy of your own brain could be counted as a friend. More like an extension of himself.

Dirk focused on the road again and realized they had just about made it to Jade's apartment building. He skillfully cut across traffic and pulled up to the curb, slowing to a stop. A slender girl ran out of the doorway, long brown hair flowing behind her, to wrap Jake up in a tight hug as he jumped off of the back of the bike.

"JAKE!" she screamed, smiling ear to ear. "I'm so happy to see you!" Jake caught her as she ran forward, spinning her around so her long blue skirt swirled around her ankles.

As he put her down Jade pulled back, arms still on Jake's shoulders, and pushed up her large circular frames with a long finger. She giggled, "You're so much taller than me now!"

Jake returned his cousin's warm smile and hugged her again. "A lot of things change while we're apart. I missed you."

Jade's smile lit up the entire night. "I missed you too."

Dirk didn't know what to do during this unfamiliar display of affection. He leaned against his bike with his helmet under his arm and watched, about to hop back on and ride away.

Jade, ever watchful, caught him out of the corner of her eye. "Oh no you don't, mister!" She gave him a stern look before smiling again and hugging him too. "Thank you for bringing him back, Dirk. You're a lifesaver."

Dirk patted the back of her head gently. "No problem."

As Jade let go and stepped back, Jake extended his arm for the second time that day. Dirk took it and received a firm shake. "Thank you for the ride," Jake ruffled the hair on the back of his head abashedly, "and the coffee. You helped me out of quite the pickle today."

"My pleasure." Dirk locked eyes with Jake and felt a spark between their locked hands. Dirk tilted his head down so Jake could just barely catch a glimpse of his eyes, and shot him a wink. Jake blushed furiously.

Jade laughed and bid Dirk a goodnight. Jake did the same, still blushing, before the two walked back to the entrance of the apartment complex.

As Dirk got back on his bike his display lit up again.

autoResponder [AR] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

AR: Flirt.

TT: Shut up.

AR: ;)

autoResponder [AR] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

**Author's Note**** Thank you for keeping up with this story! Extra awesome thanks to everyone who wrote a super kind comment, they make my day :) Sorry again for the delay with this chapter. **

**PS I know Hal's chum handle is usually TT like Dirk's but without the color coating it's impossible to tell who is talking! So I changed it to AR for legibility reasons. **


	5. Chapter 5

Dirk covered the short distance home in a few minutes and parked his bike in the lot underneath his apartment building. He leaned tiredly against the wall as he waited for the elevator to descend. The hour and a half he had spent with Jake had almost made him forget about the long day he had.

He couldn't help but smile thinking about Jake. The way he had peeked out from behind his seat to check him out on the train. The way he lit up seeing the city for the first time, drinking coffee, admiring the bike. The way he talked in that fucking adorable accent. The way he was graced with a beautiful, beautiful ass. The things Dirk could do with that ass…

The beeping of the elevator interrupted that particular train of thought. Dirk slid in and tapped the button for the highest floor. It had been a long time since Dirk had any action and his mind took advantage of it. The image of Jake, naked and sweaty beneath him. Hearing him crooning in that accent, calling his name, running his hands through that disheveled brown hair.

The elevator beeped again as it reached the top. _Fuck. _

As Dirk unlocked the door to his place he could hear muffled moaning through the thin wall.

"Daaaaaaave!" Dirk raised his eyebrows in alarm.

"You're such a freaking cheater!" The eyebrows went back down. Dirk opened the door and strode through.

He was greeted by the sight of his younger brother lounging on the couch, game controller in hand. He was getting too tall for their shitty furniture, red converse stretching over one end and blonde head hanging off of the other. He was smirking, sly look partially covered by black aviator shades. As Dirk walked by Dave extended a fist which he gladly bumped.

"Sup, bro."

"Hey little man."

Sitting on the floor leaning on the couch was a bespectacled boy with ridiculously messy brown hair. He was clutching a game controller of his own, face scrunched up in frustration. When he noticed Dirk's entrance he turned angrily.

"Dirk tell Dave that winning with cheat codes doesn't count!"

"A bets a bet, Egbert. You gotta do my laundry for a week." Dave's smirk intensified. What a shit.

Dirk strode across the room and pressed a button hidden under a book on the bookshelf.

"Dirk what the-"

Suddenly the air vent above Dave opened up and a huge pile of multicolored felt smuppets pummeled him from above.

"Auugh!" Dave flailed around as John laughed madly. A muffled "Dirk, what the fuck!" came out from underneath the pile.

John panted, face turning red. "Ohmigod I can't breathe."

Dirk walked toward his bedroom, not stopping to call over his shoulder, "Clean that up when you're done!"

The only sound he got as a reply was John's bubbling laughter.

Dirk closed the door to his room gently before stripping off his jacket, shirt, and pants. He fell onto his bed and considered his half-hard dick. It had really been too long. Just the thought of Jake, who he had barely just met, had that kind of effect on him. He could do something about that but it didn't seem like the best idea with those two in the other room. Dirk turned to his beeping phone to find some sort of distraction for now.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: diiiiiiiiiiiiirk

TG: dirk dirk dirk dirk dirk

TG: hey dirky

TG: its roro L money

TG: do you copy over

TT: Hey Roxy

TG: you got somthin' you wanna tell me? ;)

TG: wonk wonk

TT: I assume you've been talking to Hal

TG: fuck yes i've been talkin to hal

TG: hes got all the sweet gossip

TG: especially about you WONK WONK

TG: you gettin allllll the wonks today sir

TG: ALLL OF EM

TG: sorry to errybody else on the planet but roxy's wonk emporium is SOLD OUT because stri dizzle is gettin so many

TG: wonk ;)

TG: speakin of you getting stuff

TG: whose the lucky boiiii

TT: I'm not getting anything

TT: Jade's cousin is in town and I gave him a ride back to her place

TG: OMFGGGG you let him ride on the stridermobile?

TT: Please don't call it that

TG: that thing is a PANTY DROPPER

TG: like *le SWOON*

TG: i bet he was snuggled up all tight le swooning over your mad abdobidamles and stuff

TG: yoyu sly bastard ;) ;)

TG: you*

TG: is he cuuuute?

TT: Maybe

TG: AAHHHHHH somebody call an ambulance i'm dyin from overexposure to YAOI ROMANCE

TG: actually i'll do one better and call janey

TG: imma add ehr in

TG: her*

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] added gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: janey you'll never guess

TG: dirk here's got himself a boyyyy

GG: Dirk that's so exciting!

GG: I'd love to meet him

GG: I could make a nice cake. Or some pie!

TT: Roxy's just being weird I gave Jade's cousin a ride home from the train station today

GG: A ride on the stridermobile?

TT: Ugh is that a thing

TT: Like do you guys actually call it that

TG: yup

GG: Yes.

GG: And according to Roxy here it's a surefire "panty dropper"

GG: So you should be off to a good start with this gentleman

TG: I toldya ;)

GG: But Roxy I agree with Dirk here you are jumping the gun quite thoroughly

GG: They just met!

TG: I betcha they're indulglining in sloppy makeouts by next week!

TG: indulgugling*

TG: induging*

TG: fuck it

GG: Well you know how I feel about betting with you when you're drunk

GG: But I might just have to take you up on that :B

TT: …

GG: Dirk do me a favor and keep it in your pants

TG: hey no meddling!

GG: Like you aren't going to meddle!

TG: mystery jungle boy is comin to paintwar this weekend rite?

TT: As much as I don't want to encourage you both he actually is

TG: YAAAASSSSS

GG: Grr I can't come this weekend!

TG: You're gonna miss all the hot yaoi action

GG: I doubt it!

TT: This is ridiculous I can't take the both of you

timaeusTestified [TT] left the conversation

Dirk sighed. Those two were his best friends but they sure had a habit of getting carried away. Especially Roxy. He was going to have to watch out for her meddling, encouraged by Hal no doubt.

As soon as Dirk's head hit the pillow he realized how exhausted he was. Roxy's hijinks were a problem for another day. He fell asleep easily, the sounds of best friends laughing through the walls faded away as he dreamed of a charming emerald-eyed island boy.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: so what are we talking like 30 bucks

GG: Deal!

GG: *virtual gentlemanly handshake*

TG: zomg this is so excitingg

TG: di-stri's got himself a hottie

GG: Slow down there, they just met!

GG: Promise me you'll give them some time before you start doing anything crazy

TG: oh you know me, freakin master of patients

TG: patience*

GG: Haha Roxy I mean it!

TG: yeah yeah gotcha

TG: lay off the lovebirds

GG: Hehe I feel like you're still missing the point here

TG: naw i got this

TG: totes not going to meddle at all

TG: cross my heart and hope to die!

GG: Okay then :B

GG: I've got to run.

GG: Keep me updated!

TG: will do girlie! ;)

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

**Author's Note ****- Thanks for reading! (double thanks for reviewing, you guys are the best :)**


	6. Chapter 6

Jake gasped as he was roughly pushed to the ground. Two giant paws pressed down on his chest, making it even harder to breathe as he laughed warmly.

"Okay, okay, I give up!" He held his hands up in defeat and Bec began to enthusiastically lick his face. "Oi watch the glasses!"

Jake wiped his now slimy face with the back of his sleeve before rubbing the large dog's back. Jade watched from a bench a few feet away, giggling.

"I told you he would remember you!"

"Lucky me!" laughed Jake as he continued to wipe slobber from his face. Bec wagged his tail quickly and began to circle his long lost friend. "He really grew, huh?"

Jade's dog was enormous, his back easily reaching the height of Jake's hip. His fur was snow white and his eyes an intelligent green. Nobody quite knew what breed he was and nobody dared get close enough to find out. He was the perfect companion for a fiery girl like his cousin.

Noticing he wouldn't get any more attention from Jake while he cleaned up, Bec sauntered over to Jade who scratched his head lovingly. "Good dog. Best friend."

"Alright mate, I'm ready to go again!" Jake held up the worn knotted rope with a determined look in his eye. Bec ran over and grabbed the other end between his long teeth. The two set in their positions, a single line marked off in the grass between them.

Jade resettled herself in her criss-cross position on the bench, adjusting her large glasses with a finger. "On your marks!"

Jake watched as Bec's hind legs tensed, tightening his grip on the rope.

"Get set!" He grit his teeth.

"Go!" Jake's arms were nearly yanked out of their sockets as Bec tugged mightily at the rope.

"Oh no you don't!" Jake smiled at the challenge and set his feet, pulling back with all his strength.

Bec growled and tried to back up slowly, rope and Jake in tow. But Jake had examined his tricks last round and placed his feet determinedly. After a moment he began to try to turn the tide and pull Bec his was way, but the dog refused to budge. Suddenly, Bec released all tension from the rope, causing Jake to lose his balance and stumble backwards. In the split second he was off balance Bec tugged the rope sharply and sent Jake flying across the line.

"Ugh." Jake huffed and rolled onto his back as Bec skipped giddily and licked his face some more. "What's the score then, Jade?"

Jade couldn't contain her light laughter, "That would be 3 to zero."

Jake moaned in defeat, throwing his arms to the side and lying in the grass spread eagle. "You're just too strong for me now, old chap." Bec barked happily in agreement.

Jade, Jake, and Bec had been at the park for a few hours now, talking idly and playing games. Jade had brought a launcher of her own design to throw branches for Bec to chase on the warm afternoon, much to the delight of the kids watching. It was relaxing for Jake to be surrounded by greenery once again; it was so odd to live in a world of concrete, metal, and glass.

He had been staying with Jade for the past three days, talking long into the night and simply enjoying each other's company during the day. They had discussed his life on the island, her work in the city, and reminisced over the grandmother they both sorely missed. Reconnecting with Jade was a dream. He hadn't realized how much he had missed her until he saw her again.

Lying in the grass, Jake gazed up at the sky, the only thing that seemed to stay the same as he travelled across the world. The searing blue plane decorated with wild wisps of white was a constant in his life, only disturbed by the outline of chrome skyscrapers cutting away at the edges.

A few clouds floated past in the rough shape of two triangles, making Jake laugh as he remembered a certain pair of ridiculous anime shades. He had seen neither hide nor hair of the elusive Mr. Strider since the day he had arrived. However that didn't stop Jake from thinking about him.

Dirk Strider and his stupid handsome face and cool motorcycle and sexy smirk and perfect hair. He thought about what Nepeta had said, how she had insisted they would make a perfect couple. How she had wanted Jake to not be jealous of Equius. A perfect couple? Him and Dirk?

He could imagine threading his fingers through that perfect hair, feeling those abs up close and personal without the leather jacket in the way, kissing that smirk right off of his face. _Fuck. _Maybe Jake did have the teensiest crush on one Dirk Strider. Who would have thought?

Jake was broken out of his train of thought by the sound of a girl yelling frantically. A damsel in distress!

"You dumb cat!" A curvy girl in a bright blue skirt shook her fist at a white blob sitting on one of the highest branches of a tree in the center of the park.

"First you break into my apartment again! Then you rip up ALL OF MY PILLOWS and knock my FRESHLY BAKED pie off of the counter! And THEN you have the GALL to drag me all the way out to the park to watch you sit in a tree!"

The girl's eyes were angry behind her ovular red glasses, putting her hands on her hips like a mother scolding a child, "I don't have the time for your silly shenanigans, you hear me!"

Jake stood up, brushed himself off, and jogged over to the girl. "Excuse me miss but I can't help but notice you in some sort of distress."

The girl didn't look away from the white blob Jake presumed to be a cat as she answered. "I'm not in distress I just-" when she did turn her words died in her throat. She brushed her short black hair out of her face and looked up, shocked.

"Um, wow. Hi there." She blushed, immediately turning her face away.

"Hi! Jake English, pleased to make your acquaintance." Jake smiled cheerily, extending an arm.

"I'm, uh, Jane. Jane Crocker." She shook his hand, eyes wide.

"Is that your cat up there?" Jake put one hand on his hip and used the other to block the sun and get a better look up the tree.

Jane took a moment to check him out, dazed. When she finally processed what he said she scoffed, getting a hold of herself as the topic changed. "Ugh, no. He's a pesky little thing. He seems to appear everywhere I go and cause nothing but mischief."

Her gaze softened. "But I feel responsible for him, somewhat." She scowled up the tree again. "I don't want to leave him here to bother someone else!"

"Well then I see your issue, Miss Crocker!" Jake closed one eye and used his thumb to assess the distance between branches and the thickness of the trunk. "I should have no trouble scampering up this thing and grabbing him for you."

"What? No! That's incredibly dangerous!" Jane gasped, taken aback.

"It's no issue, miss! I assure you!" Jake called over his shoulder as he began to scale the first branch. "What kind of adventurer would I be if I left a beautiful maiden in distress?"

"I told you I'm not in distress!" Jane called helplessly after him. When he was too far away to hear she covered her growing blush with her hand and whispered, "_Beautiful_?"

In a matter of minutes Jake had reached the top of the tree. By some sort of witchcraft he gathered the fickle cat in his arms and began his slower one-handed descent. As Jane watched, equally fearful for his safety and in admiration of his butt, Jade and Bec walked over to join her.

"Hey Jane!" Jade waved cheerfully, other hand securing her sunhat as her long hair blew in the breeze. "What's got you looking so bothered?"

"Oh nothing my cat has gone and ran up a tree." Jane sighed. "Well I guess he's not really my cat. More like a pain in my bottom!"

Jade laughed, "I see your predicament."

Jane smiled back at the younger girl. Jade was a dear friend of her cousin John, and her cheery attitude made it hard not to smile whenever she was around. "Anyway this nice fellow decided to do me an incredible favor in retrieving him."

Jade squinted upwards for a moment before giggling at the ridiculous sight of Jake trying to climb while struggling with the cat. "I see you've met Jake then!"

Jane turned to her realization dawning and suddenly very upset. _Oh no, oh no, oh no. _She laughed awkwardly trying to hide her sudden panic. "Is he, uh, your friend then?" She crossed her fingers behind her back.

"No, silly, he's my cousin!" Jade didn't notice Jane's odd behavior. The older girl was internally cursing herself. _Shucks to buster, Jane! The first time you find an eligible bachelor with a cute butt and a nice smile and Strider already has dibs!_

The loud thump of Jake landing the final jump interrupted her. "Here you go, miss!" In his extremely scratched extended arms was an incredibly disgruntled cat.

Jane, good mood murdered, took the cat with a forced smile. "Thank you!"

"Why it's absolutely no problem!" Jake's grin was contagious as he dismissed her gratitude in that stupid adorable accent.

"Okay Jake we better get going." Jade turned to him, inspecting his arms. "Aaaand we should stop at the pharmacy on the way home to get some stuff to fix up those scratches."

Jane winced, "I'm so sorry about that."

"No worries at all." Jake still had that goofy grin. _God darn it why is he so cute?_

"It was nice to see you Jane! Tell John I said hi!" Jade began to walk away, waving happily.

"It was lovely to bump into you both! It was uh, nice to meet you Jake!"

"Likewise!" Jake grinned and then turned to follow Jade and Bec.

As soon as they were out of sight Jane collapsed to sit at the foot of the tree, the cat glaring at her. "Don't you give me that look, mister! I feel bad enough."

gutsyGumshoe [GG] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: Roxy we need to talk.

**Thanks for reading! Extra love to everyone who reviews, your comments are so kind! They make me ridiculously happy :)**


	7. Chapter 7

"What do you mean _am I sure he's gay_?" Roxy said incredulously, a little too loud.

"Shush, keep your voice down!" Jane leaned in over her coffee, her face anxious. "I don't want everyone to hear you!"

The two had met at the local coffee shop over a high-priority SOS message Jane had sent. They sat across from each other in two of the comfy leather armchairs, Roxy leaning back comfortably and Jane sitting forward nervously.

"I just- I met him at the park earlier. And _before I knew who he was_," Jane stressed this point desperately, "I just got the hugest crush on him. He's really cute and nice and got G-cat down from that tree and UGH" Jane put her drink down and collapsed her head into her hands. "I feel like such an awful person now that I know."

Roxy gave her friend a sympathetic look. "You're not an awful person, Janey." She put her tea down, pondering the situation. "This is a tricky one. One I am too sober to think about properly." She dug a knitted pouch out of her purse and pulled a pink flask from it. She shot a confused Jane a wink, "That was a birthday gift from Rose. Ain't she the cutest? Knittin' me a flask cozy."

Jane rolled her eyes. "I'm sure that wasn't its intended purpose. Are you sure you should be drinking right now? It's the middle of the afternoon!"

"Cheers!" Roxy promptly ignored her and poured the contents of the flask into her tea cup. Jane grimaced as she took a long sip. "Anyway back to your problemo. I feel like this is easy enough to solve."

"Really?" Jane asked incredulously.

"Yeah totally. We just gotta find out if he's a huge homo or not. If he is, yay Dirk! If he isn't, yay you!"

"Well how do you plan on doing that?"

"Easy. Hal told me they stopped here the other day; someone musta seen 'em. This place is full of regulars." Roxy put on her thinking face as she sipped more of her tea-alcohol concoction. "There's one guy in particular I think could be hell of a help."

The bell to the store let out a gentle ding and Roxy broke out into a huge smile. "Well speak of the mother effin' devil! HEY ERIDAN!" She threw an arm up, almost spilling her drink.

A tall lanky guy with a large blue striped scarf and a shockingly purple streak through his dark hair turned curiously before grinning. "Hey, what's up Rox?"

"I need your help with something!" Roxy's black lips parted in a wicked smile. "C'mere!"

"Alright give me a second." The man leaned slightly and yelled to the front of the line, "HEY SOL! SEND ME MY REGULAR, ALRIGHT?"

"HEY ED, FUCK OFF!" The cashier with the two-toned glasses shouted back.

"Mmm love you too, babe!" Eridan waved, wiggling his ring-covered fingers. Sollux shot him a very rude gesture with his own hand. Eridan laughed and walked over to where the two girls were sitting, pulling over a chair and sitting with crossed legs. He folded his hands, sparkling with gold and amethyst, and laid them over his knee. "So what can I help you ladies with?" His wavy accent caused him to spend an extra beat on each 'w', and Jane wondered where it was from.

"This is my bffsy Jane." Roxy gestured to the shorter girl who waved tentatively. Eridan had a very imposing presence, dressed in a crisp purple v-neck and tight-fitting black pants. Everything from his thick black glasses to his sleek shoes reeked of designer.

"Eridan Ampora, pleasure to meet 'cha." Despite his kind introduction Jane still felt ill at ease.

"Oh don't worry Janey, he's a total dork I promise." Roxy sensed her unease and used her strange powers of charisma to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation. "We met in high school, we were the only two people who took that class on Harry Potter."

Eridan sat back, offended. "I'm not a dork!"

A voice came from behind him, "He's a total dork." Sollux walked over carrying a large foamy drink on a tray. He placed it on the table in front of Eridan, "One ridiculously complicated soy milk whatever for Fish Dick Ampora."

Eridan grumbled as he began to sip his drink. "That insult doesn't even make any sense."

Sollux laughed as he sat on the arm of Eridan's chair. "So what's going on here that's got you looking all distressed?"

"I'M NOT IN DISTRESS!" moaned Jane as she collapsed in her chair.

Roxy leaned over to pat her arm gently. "There, there Janey." Roxy turned to the two guys, throwing her own pink knitted scarf over her shoulder. "We need somebody with a good gaydar to settle an issue here."

"Ooh fun. Look no further." Eridan smiled, raising his dark eyebrows.

Roxy laughed, "Perf. Okay, I'm thinkin' you were in here a couple days ago because you're always here."

Sollux grinned, "True."

"Did you see Dirk Strider, you know him …pointy blonde hair, ridiculous sunglasses… walk in with a tall cuppa hot stuff?"

Eridan thought for a moment before his eyes widened. "Ooooh yeah I remember them comin' in! Did this friend o' his have brown hair and a fantastic ass?"

Jane moaned, face still hidden behind her hands, "Yeeaaah. That's the one."

Eridan smiled, "Damn if that wasn't the finest ass I've ever seen." Sollux rolled his eyes and got up to take the order of a customer who had just walked in. "'Cept for yours 'o course, Sol!" Eridan called over his shoulder. He got another middle finger.

Roxy took another swig before pushing the conversation on. "So what's your read on the friend?"

He pondered for a moment. "I'm not sure he knew what he was before that day, but he's certainly gay for Strider. You shoulda seen 'em eyefuckin' eachother."

Jane looked out from between her fingers, face dropping. After a moment she removed her hands entirely and sighed before smiling. "Okay. Good for Dirk."

Roxy pouted, moving to squeeze into the seat with Jane and give her a tight hug. "Aww Janey. You'll find someone."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Get off me, you don't fit here." Roxy ignored her and continued to squeeze her thin frame into the chair to hug her friend. Jane thought for a moment then stroked an imaginary mustache, "Although I'm definitely reconsidering my place in our bet after considering the testimony of this witness."

Roxy pulled back, glad to see her friend was in a playful hard-boiled detective kind of mood. She laughed "No takebacksies! We shook on it in a gentlemannily… geeentlemanly…gentlemanly fashion!"

Jane pulled back to look at her, "Jeez Roxy what was IN that flask?"

Roxy smiled from beneath a lock of her cropped blonde hair. ""Tis a secrettt, Janey!"

Jane shook her head, "We better get you home." She turned to Eridan, "Thank you for your help, it was nice to meet you!"

"Sure thing." Eridan waved a glittering hand as he turned to watch Sollux and ponder more ways to annoy him.

Jane helped Roxy up and watched her cautiously as they walked out the door.

**Author's Note**

**As soon as I started the whole Jane also likes Jake storyline I felt inclined to tie it up. With a bit of Erisol because why not. I also enjoy everyone initially talking about Jake as if he's a hunk of meat because it's true to comic. Hopefully it won't come to him flailing around and crying. Poor Jakey. Haha anyway thanks for reading! **


	8. Chapter 8

"JAKE!" Jade yelled gleefully as she jumped on the end of the bed, awaking her cousin with a start. Jake shot up, mumbling incoherently, eyes searching the room frantically for some sort of danger. Jade laughed and scooted up the bed to sit by Jake's knees, leaning over to pick up his glasses and place them in his searching fingers.

"It's just me, Jake. It's time to wake up! We're meeting everyone in about an hour."

Jake rubbed his eyes groggily before putting his glasses on upside-down. "Pardon?"

Jade giggled even more as she plucked the frames off of his head and positioned them correctly over his ears. "It's paintball day! We start bright and early."

"Oh!" Jake blinked a few times, regaining his senses. He cracked the joints in his wrists before springing out of bed. "I just about plum forgot!"

He glanced over at Jade who had her long hair tied back in a ponytail and wore shorts below her atom-emblazoned baseball shirt. "Do I need to wear anything in particular?"

She thought for a moment before shaking her head, "Nah. Sometimes we color coordinate by team but today we won't know till we get there."

"I see!" Jake grinned excitedly as he fished through his drawers, searching for something acceptable. His heart sped up and a lump formed in his throat as he realized he would be able to see Dirk today. Jade said something about breakfast as she left the room, but Jake's head was too full of the illustrious Mr. Strider to hear.

He shook away the butterflies in his stomach as he settled on a black tank top adorned with a green skull. As he slid on his black shorts he realized they had grown to be a bit snug, but they were the only ones clean at the moment. Nobody would notice, probably. He clipped on his Laura Croft dual pistol holster to complete the look.

He brushed his teeth and spent a moment in front of the mirror to run his hands through his messy hair. He was drawn out of the bathroom by the delectable smell of pancakes. Jade was singing cheerily as she flipped flapjacks at the stove, Bec occasionally crooning along between bites of what appeared to be a large steak.

When she saw Jake walk in, Jade slid a plate of pancakes over the counter. "Those are yours!"

Jake's stomach grumbled in appreciation as he sat on a tall stool and began to devour the entire pile. "Mmm thanks!"

After a few moments Jade turned the burner off and sat across from him, heartily consuming her own breakfast. As they ate she explained the rules of the game and tried to quickly recap the strengths and weaknesses of the other players, excitement twinkling in her eyes.

"John is really strong but he likes to use a huge hammer and it slows him down. He's usually on defense. Roxy is a killer sniper so be on the lookout for her hidden somewhere, she picks people off easily but tends celebrates over a hit really loudly and give away her location. Nepeta is quick with those claw things, but she's short so she always launches surprise attacks from higher ground…"

Jake listened attentively, making notes and connecting names to faces of people he had already met. His ears perked up as she reached the end of the list, almost out of breath.

"Finally the Striders. They fight very similarly but Dirk is sneakier. They both use super shitty katanas and have a habit of appearing out of nowhere. They're fast. Like _really _fast. Your greatest advantage is going to be your range, don't get too close." Jade paused for a moment, trying to recall what other advice she could give him, when she was interrupted by a beeping from her phone. "Oh! We gotta go!"

She grabbed Jake's plate and threw all of the cutlery in the sink, running across the living room to swing open the door to a large closet. She pulled her own large rifle down from the wall and then threw Jake two black pistols. "I got those right before you came; I know they're your favorite."

She grabbed some ammunition for all of the guns and handed him his sheepishly. "I got you green paint to match mine, I thought it could be like, our thing. I know it's a bit stupid but-"

Jake smiled and wrapped her up in a huge hug, lifting her thin frame off the ground. "It's not stupid, it's perfect. Thank you!"

Jade smiled and hugged him back for a moment before jokingly slapping his arm. "Okay put me down! Now we _really_ have to go!"

They both gave Bec a quick pat on the head as they walked out the door, Jake loading his new pistols and measuring their weight in his hands. Of course they were weighted perfectly and freshly polished; he had not been his grandmother's only student. He placed them in his thigh holsters before hopping into the passenger seat of Jade's green Jeep.

They were out of city limits after twenty minutes, concrete sidewalks turning into dusty roads and skyscrapers replaced by large trees. Jake rolled down his window, tempted to stick his head out like Bec, relishing the feeling of being surrounded by nature once again.

After what seemed like no time at all Jade pulled onto a narrow dirt path that led to a clearing littered with cars. People milled about, talking excitedly and holding weapons of all types. Jake scanned the small groups of people looking for Dirk but his attention was drawn to a short grumpy-looking boy who was talking to Jade.

"- and you won't _believe_ what bullshit that asshole is trying to pull." He crossed his arms, dark eyebrows furrowing. "He never shuts up and everything he says is just such _fucking garbage_! And he WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. It's like wherever I go he's just _there_ appearing out of who the fuck knows where to fucking lecture me about who the fuck cares what."

Suddenly, as the boy was speaking angrily to Jade, a man who looked very similar to him but with an overly calm expression and a bright red sweater appeared, eyebrows raised and arms crossed. "Karkat, you know language like that can be extremely triggering to certain audiences it's really inappropriate for you to be speaking in such a way in-"

"AAUUUGHHHHH!" The angry boy threw his arms up and screamed in frustration. "Why are you even HERE!"

"If only you knew the impact your harsh language can have on others I'm sure you would reconsider your-"

"LALALALA I'M NOT LISTENING YOU INSUFFERABLE DOUCHEBAG!" Karkat half growled and half shouted, covering his ears like a child.

Jade swooped in to the rescue, stepping between the two and waving at the man who was still rambling incessantly. "Uhh Kankri I'll have to steal Karkat for a moment, he needs to go show Jake around."

Kankri turned to Jade and raised an eyebrow, "Surely _you_ must understand the critical importance of clean language in order to maintain a safe environment for those that may be triggered by such unsavory conduct-"

While he was distracted Karkat grabbed Jake's arm forcefully and pulled him away, backing quickly away from Kankri and mouthing a desperate thanks at Jade. Jade gave him a look clearly expressing a "_you owe me_" before turning back to Kankri and listening politely.

Karkat marched away quickly, still pulling Jake. "Jegus that girl is a fucking angel. One more minute of that and I would have shot myself in the fucking foot."

When they had reached a safe distance Karkat turned and looked at Jake before extending an arm. "I'm Karkat."

Jake shook his hand briskly, "Jake."

Karkat was shorter than Jake by a good amount with thick angry eyebrows and untamable dark brown hair. He had tan skin and stormy gray eyes that were furrowed grumpily. He glanced down at the pistols strapped to Jake's thighs. "Can you shoot those things?"

"I might be a bit rusty but I can put up a fair show in a round of fisticuffs!" Jake smiled happily, light shining in his eyes.

"Are you serious right now?"

"About what then?"

"Do you talk like that all the time? You must be fucking with me." Karkat raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Err, yes. I mean, no." Jake fidgeted awkwardly, intimidated by the sheer force of the grumpiness radiating from Karkat.

"Why the fuck not. Okay let's see what you can do with those things." Karkat began to walk briskly toward a small practice area, Jake jogging a bit to keep up with his quick strides.

He was led to a smaller clearing than the one with the cars. This one was littered with make-shift targets hanging from the trees at various heights and angles. Many of them were splattered with paint and well worn, red and white circles still managing to show through the layers of color.

Karkat stood back slightly, leaning against a tree behind Jake. "You can just pick one and take some practice shots."

Jake nodded as he walked to the center of the clearing. He took a slow breath in, then out. He closed his eyes for a split second, clearing his head. _Focus_.

As his eyes shot open he unsheathed both of his pistols in a swift, fluid motion. His arms shot up in parallel, simultaneously shooting targets to the left and right. One. Two. He allowed momentum to carry both arms forward, shooting targets to the northwest and northeast as they made a tight arc, three, four. Looking down his arms and over his pistols he shot cleanly at a target directly in front of him, five. He spun around, rapidly letting off three shots high into the trees. Six. Seven. Eight. His right arm swung ninety degrees, a crisp shot at a target directly above Karkat's head. Nine. He took a breath for a moment, scanning the trees. Where was ten? After a split second he smiled and rolled forward, landing in a crouch and firing at a low target hidden from sight under a bush. Ten.

All of this took place in less than thirty seconds, and Jake bounced up happily. "Golly, that was fun." He sheathed his pistols and turned to Karkat, grinning.

The shorter boy's eyes were wide and his mouth hung wide open, not able to formulate a response. Behind him was a crowd of people with similar expressions, an impressive mixture of awe and disbelief. Jake turned in confusion to survey his work, precise green paint marks at the dead center of every target. Wait, almost every target. Jake put his hand to his chin as he examined shot number seven, green paint splatter almost an inch off of the bull's-eye.

"Oh shucks. Well, I told you I was a bit rusty." He turned back to Karkat and the crowd, shrugging.

The group was speechless. Jake averted his eyes to avoid all of the stunned gazes pointed his way. His breath caught in his throat as he noticed an extra spectator to his warm-up round. Leaning against a tree to the left of the assembly of players was Dirk. He was dressed in a white sleeveless shirt and long black pants, hair expertly styled and the morning sun glinted off of his shades. His face was difficult to read, but it made Jake blush furiously all the same.

"Fuck all of you, English is on my team." Karkat broke the silence, grinning. His comment caused a sudden uproar, voices arguing and speaking rapidly. After a few minutes of loud yelling Equius' tall frame cut through the crowd and his deep voice caused immediate silence. "Stop this foolishness. According to my latest count Mr. English will indeed be joining the blue tea-"

He was interrupted as a girl with short blonde hair and a bright pink shirt fell to the ground, clutching her ankle and wincing loudly.

"AH! Oh ow ow ow!" The girl rocked back and forth, face contorted in pain.

"Roxy! Are you okay?" A boy with thick square frames and messy brown hair rushed to her side.

Roxy paused her rocking for a moment to put on an alluring face, "Oh, hey John." She smiled flirtatiously for a moment before snapping out of it and remembering her injury. "Oh, uh, no. WOE IS ME! I AM LIKE, SO TOTALLY HURT."

Dirk stepped forward, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Roxy what are you-"

Roxy began flailing her arms, pushing him back. "OW MY ANKLE IS IN SO MUCH PAIN!" She turned to Equius dolefully, "I am so sorry Equius I just don't think I'll be able to play for this round."

Roxy gestured John closer, "John be a dear and pick me up, will you?"

"Um, okay." John leaned in carefully sliding one arm beneath her knees and using the other to support her back. Roxy wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling for a moment before once again moaning in pain, "OW OW OW WHY GOD, WHY? John here is going to have to take me to grab a bandage or something."

Nepeta stepped forward, concerned look on her face. "Equius and I brought a first aid kit, it's in the back of the truck-"

"NO NO, did I say bandage? I meant ICE! Oh silly me the pain has made me delirious." Roxy clutched John's neck even tighter, swooning a bit for good measure. "We'll have to drive over to the store and get some. It's no use, with the two of us gone Jake'll have to join team Strider."

Dirk, understanding the point of her obvious ruse, furrowed his eyebrows and shot her a look of disapproval. Roxy winked cheekily before collapsing into John's chest.

The more gullible of their friends patted Roxy sympathetically while Dave stifled a laugh. Equius just looked confused by the entire show and raised an eyebrow. "Well then. Due to the loss of two players, Mr. English will actually be joining the red team." Karkat's hands flew up in outrage, the whole group clamoring once again. "And that is FINAL!" Equius paced away, wiping the sweat off of his face with a towel. "We start in fifteen minutes."

Jake blinked, surprised by the sudden turn of events. He walked towards the group of people who had become his team, all of them patting him on the back and exclaiming how amazing of a shot he was.

Jade smiled, "We're on the same team now! Yay!" She wrapped her arms around his neck, whispering in his ear, "_Grandma would be really proud of you_." Jake closed his eyes and gave her a tight squeeze.

A boy with combed blonde hair and black aviator shades extended a fist which Jake tentatively bumped. "That was the shit, bro. I should have expected as much from Jade's cousin but that was fucking awesome." He wore a white shirt with long red sleeves over black pants. Jake recognized him from Jade's descriptions but even if he hadn't the resemblance to Dirk was uncanny. "I'm Dave."

Jake nodded, smiling. "Jake English." He exchanged remarks with some other members of the team, committing as many names to memory as possible.

Finally Jake turned to Dirk. He searched his face for some sort of response, and the two locked eyes for a breath. After what seemed like an eternity Dirk's mouth curved into sexy smirk for which Jake was entirely unprepared. "Good to have you. Now let's kick some ass."

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	9. Chapter 9

Dirk had nearly spit his drink everywhere when Jake first arrived. He had been standing with Roxy, sipping water in a patented Strider pose to achieve optimal coolness. Roxy had noticed him first, looking over Dirk's shoulder and whistling, pink eyes wide and black lips curving into a mischievous smile. Dirk had turned to follow her line of sight, completely unprepared, and… fuck. Dirk had choked on the water he was drinking, doubling over and coughing much to Roxy's delight. She patted his back forcefully, cackling.

Dirk shot her a look. "You could have fucking warned me. The way those shorts fit his ass should not be humanly possible."

Roxy did not stop laughing hysterically, clutching her own stomach. "Ohmigod you should have seen your face. If this was one of your shitty anime you would have a nosebleed right now."

"Yeah yeah laugh it up. Remind me to be so kind when you're next mooning over Egbert."

"Shuddup that boy is totes eligible boyfriend material..."

Dirk sighed, bringing himself back to the present. Roxy had gone off with John under the pretense of that ridiculous injury leaving him two strong players short. He glanced over at Jake who was animatedly discussing rifle barrel volume with Jade and that dude with the purple hair. Make that one strong player short.

He surveyed his team carefully; luckily he was familiar with most of the players. The two randoms were the hipster Roxy knew from high school and his friend with the trident. Chances are she was related to Meenah, although she looked softer and more fragile with long flowing black hair.

"Alright everyone come over here." They all gathered in a relaxed circle. "I'm thinking we'll run a basic three and three offense-defense. You two-" he nodded at the hipster and Meenah's sister, "can run defense with Jade. The rifles can provide long-distance sniping at offensive forces and the trident will work well on the ground." The three of them nodded in agreement. "I'll take Dave and Jake and run offense. Meenah usually leaves only two people guarding the flag so we'll try to push as quickly as possible before their offense can get to ours."

He looked around the circle, eyeing each player. "Alright, on the call."

They all shared a tense and determined moment before loud chord rang throughout the forest. Dirk unsheathed his katana and nodded at Jade who began to position the defense. He signaled Dave and took off in the direction of the other team's side.

The forest was split into two parts, divided by a line of neon markings. The edges of the playing field were also marked, keeping the game contained and warning any potential passerby. Dirk sprinted up the right of the field, dodging trees effortlessly. For his strategy to work the three of them had to reach the other team's flag before their offense became a problem. He turned back to make sure his teammates were keeping up. Dave ran with as much practiced ease as he did, holding his katana lightly in both hands and to the side. He matched Dirk's steps with a calculated precision.

Jake was a completely different story. He moved as if he was born in the forest, hurdling over and ducking under barriers, surefooted despite the hazardous floor. Where the Striders avoided trees Jake embraced them, grabbing handholds and pushing off of fallen trunks to give him extra boosts of speed. His face was split into a wild grin, launching himself over obstacles and yet managing to move almost noiselessly.

Dirk gaped for a moment and Jake took the opportunity to fly by him, propelled by a particularly large jump. "On your left, mate."

Time seemed to slow as they locked eyes. Jake broke the contact as he dashed past, smiling widely. Dirk increased his speed in order to catch up, Dave snickering behind him.

They ran like this for a few minutes before Jake came to a sudden halt and unsheathed his pistols.

Dirk barely had a second to stop and turn before a green blur launched itself from a tree a few feet behind him. Two blue claws coated in olive green paint sliced through the air above his head. He brought his sword up quickly, parrying the attack with a loud ringing noise as metal met metal. Nepeta jumped backward, recovering quickly and dodging Dirk's quick counter-slash.

She rolled to land on the balls of her feet but stood up from her crouched stance in defeat. Dirk held his katana out in confusion before noticing the two clean shots that marked the center of her chest. Dirk struggled to contain his awe as he realized Jake had hit her before she had even touched the ground.

He turned, impressed. Jake pretended to blow smoke off of the end of his pistols, shooting him a wink. Dirk couldn't help but grin. What a nerd.

A loud THWAP! sounded behind them, breaking the moment. The two turned their attention away from each other as they simultaneously realized Nepeta had not ambushed them alone. A large blue arrow shot from behind a tree, the end a dull padded sphere covered in paint. It missed Dave by a few feet and the remains of two previous shots lay in pieces by his shoes. A fourth came closer to the blonde but he smoothly cut it out of the air.

Equius was an infamously horrible shot but he insisted on using a large recurve bow, "the most noble of weapons". After a few seconds the trio heard a loud snap as the bow broke between his strong hands.

"Fiddlesticks." Equius cursed under his breath and Jake shot him half-heartedly.

Nepeta sheathed her claws and walked over to grab Equius's arm. The large man looked forlornly at the broken remains of his bow as she dragged him away. "Good game, guys! _Purr_sonally I hope you win!" She smiled cheerfully and waved as the two started to make their way back to the clearing.

Dave nodded at Jake, "Sick shot on Nep."

"I do what I can." He replied with a large grin.

"Alright let's move." Dirk calculated in his head as he led them further into enemy territory. Were Equius and Nepeta the primary defensive team? Had Meenah taken three people with her to attack the flag? The alternative was that they were running three teams of two. In that case they had two left guarding the flag and Dirk had a definite idea of who it would be.

They ran unopposed for a suspiciously large amount of time, journeying farther and farther toward the opposite end of the field. Where was the flag? Suddenly he crossed a particularly dense section of trees and caught a fluttering of blue out of the corner of his eye. Bingo. He skid to a stop and examined the blue rectangle out in the open, hanging off of a tall branch in plain sight. Completely unguarded. As if.

Dirk slid into a fighting stance, knees bent and sword up. Dave did the same. Jake held his pistols loosely in his hands hand but tilted his head curiously. He sniffed the air lightly. "There is a person who smells overwhelmingly of red licorice hiding in that direction." He pointed at a tree directly in front of Dave.

"Hehe there goes jungle boy ruining the surprise." A petite girl with short red hair and a sash tied over her eyes emerged from the shadows wielding a long cane with a red dragon head adorning the top.

Jake shrugged modestly, "I can hear you moving around."

She cackled, grinning. "Well I'm going to hear you bleed while I smell you die."

Jake raised his pistols warily and Dave sighed, rolling his eyes. "Terezi stop freaking him out." He turned to Jake, "She gets really into roleplaying."

"And she's not the only one." Dirk narrowed his eyes, watching another girl walk out onto the branch the flag was on. She wore a large extravagant blue coat and wielded a wicked looking saber. Her long brown hair fell along her back and her eyes seemed to glow madly behind large black glasses.

"Sssssssstrider." She hissed and her mouth split into a sort of unsettling smile. "We meet again."

"Sup, Vriska."

She scowled as he refused to play along with her game. "That's Marquise Spinneret Mindfang to you, peasant!"

"Nah."

"Ugh would it kill you to play along just once you're so fucking lame." She broke character to shoot him an annoyed look.

"If I did my character would have to be a rainbow pegasus or something. Irony calls, sorry."

"RRRRG!" Vriska gave up on the witty banter and launched herself from the tree. Dirk brought his blade up to block, exuding a significant amount of effort as Vriska hit with more brute force than Nepeta. Her slashes and thrusts were crazy and uncontrolled but forceful. His shitty katana shuddered with every parry. He riposted quickly and precisely, but she managed to avoid each one, laughing.

Dave was in a similar predicament with Terezi who was light on her feet and extremely perceptive despite her blindness. She dodged effortlessly and controlled the flow of the battle with quick taps with her cane. The two met weapons in a sort of dance, almost appearing choreographed from the outside.

Dave smirked, "'Rezi one day you'll have to teach me how you manage to fight so well without being able to see."

Terezi slid under one of his blocks, much to his surprise, to whisper in his ear, "I can smell you moving and hear your blade cut through the air." She took the opportunity to make two clean slashes along his chest, the mark of a downed player. "And you'll have to get much quicker to beat me." She cackled and punched him on the arm. "One down one to go!"

Dave groaned and stepped aside, throwing his katana over his shoulder. Terezi turned to Jake, mouth split in a triumphant smile.

"I must admit I hesitate to attack an opponent who is physically handicapped." Jake held his pistols at his sides tentatively, eyebrows furrowed.

"Well justice doesn't hesitate, traitor." Terezi charged him with an alarming amount of speed, raising her cane to strike him from above. Jake stumbled backward and raised his hands far too late, flinching as he anticipated the blow.

It never came. A loud CLANG of metal on metal rang through the forest causing the leaves on nearby trees to rustle. Jake opened his eyes to see Dirk standing directly in front of him, arms raised and katana blocking Terezi's quick swing. Jake's eyes widened as he watched the exposed lean muscle on Dirk's arms ripple, swinging the sword around to cut at Terezi who dodged backwards by a hair.

Jake's head swung to see Vriska pouting next to Dave, arms crossed over the bright orange X of paint that marked her chest. He turned to Dirk whose crisp white shirt was as clean as ever. Fast bastard. Jake stood dazed for a moment, attention torn between the epic battle and Dirk's glistening back muscles.

"Jake, this is the part where you go for the flag." Dirk spoke calmly, never taking his eyes away from Terezi. The blind girl growled and attacked again with renewed vigor.

"Oh! Um, yes. Right then." Jake realized with chagrin that he probably should have done that from the start. He had simply gotten too excited watching both duels.

Jake looked up at the blue banner waving lazily from the lofty branches high in the tree. For a normal person climbing up to it would be quite the spectacle but luckily scaling trees was his specialty. He took a moment to track the best path before jumping easily to catch the first branch between his broad hands. From there it was a breeze to jump upwards, grasping branches as he went, until he reached the flag. He walked out along the branch and grabbed the royal blue fabric, holding it up triumphantly. Jake looked down and caught a thumbs up from Dave and an actual grin from Dirk who was standing above a laughing Terezi.

Jake beamed, adrenaline coursing through his veins. Round one goes to team Strider.

**Sorry for the delay with this chapter! The dialogue comes easy but all this action nonsense takes longer for me to process. Thank you so much to everyone who has followed/favorited this story, and especially to those who have reviewed! Your comments make me incredibly happy. Thanks again for reading :)**


	10. Chapter 10

"Yo yo yo RoLal and Eggmoney in the house!" Roxy strutted into the clearing with one arm thrown in the air and the other firmly wrapped around John's waist. John himself seemed slightly concerned, supporting her with one arm and holding a flask out of her reach in the other.

"We went and got some ice from a corner store and she seemed fine but she pulled this flask out of nowhere and started drinking to quote, 'dull the immeasurable pain'." John furrowed his eyebrows.

"Oh shush you I'm fineeeee." Roxy wobbled slightly, reaching across his chest for the flask.

John addressed the crowd sheepishly, "And now she's fine."

"Can you play like that?" Dirk stepped forward to look at Roxy skeptically.

"PSH I'm practically a drunken champ of shootin' stuff." Roxy swatted at the air nonchalantly. "Like Jackie Chan in that one movie. Or like uh, Bruce Lee. Or you know one of those dudes who is like mad sick at martial arts when he is hella drunk."

"I believe she is referring to the film Drunken Master starring Jackie Chan." Jake piped up enthusiastically. "It's quite fantastic!"

Roxy beamed at him, "Yeah what he said!"

Dirk sighed, "Please don't encourage her, Jake."

"Omfg he's such a cutie I can't handle it." Roxy whispered. Dirk only rolled his eyes in response.

Roxy stepped back and looked at everyone, "Fine fine I'll prove it ya non-believers." She beckoned to Nepeta who was standing next to a rack of spare weapons. "Yo Nep be a doll and throw me a rifle?"

Nepeta picked up a large gray gun and turned, "It's kind of heavy should I just walk it over?"

"Stridork'll catch it." Roxy waved cheerily. Nepeta tossed the weapon and Dirk caught it easily. He passed it to Roxy who rubbed her hands together and grinned before taking it.

"Mkay now somebody throw something." Roxy settled the weight of the weapon in her arms and looked around.

Eridan was sitting next to a pile of plates they used to eat lunch between matches. He grabbed three and glanced over at Roxy. "I got it. You ready?"

She nodded, looking down the barrel of her gun. He threw the plates with a quick snap of the wrist, sending them spinning through the air in irregular arcs. With three rapid shots she hit each one out of the air clean through the center.

Roxy dropped the gun and jumped excitedly. "BOOYEAH! Imma princess of the Drunken Arts!" She stumbled upon hitting the ground and fell backwards into John.

"Alright solid so Roxy is drunk out of her mind. Sounds like a party. Are we switching up the teams now that she and Eggbutt are back?" Dave leaned against the side of a car, looking at Equius to make the decision.

Equius wiped his increasingly moist face with a towel and spoke in a shaky yet authoritative voice. "I think it would be most fair to return both Miss Lalonde and Mr. Egbert to the red team and transfer Jake to blue as originally organized."

"FUCK YEAH!" Karkat high fived a girl next to him with two long braids in her hair. "We're going to kick your sorry excuse for an ass Dave!"

"Psh stop checking me out Karkat, jegus." Dave whipped his hair ironically. Karkat screamed incoherently as John joined his blonde friend and the two fist bumped.

"We will begin the second round in ten minutes!" Equius' voice cut through the chatter as each team regrouped and planned strategy.

"Alright chumps lets go." The girl with the braids began to lead her team toward the area where they would place the flag. She wore a black crop top with a fuchsia design over low slung black pants. Her body was littered with gold jewelry, rings hanging from her eyebrows and ears. Jake assumed she was Meenah, the girl Dirk had implied was the leader of the blue team. She interrupted his thinking as she pointed at him and spoke, "Hey green two pistols buoy."

"Jake." He replied

"Whatebber. You seem like a good shot imma put you on D. If anyfin comes through this area you shoot it, yeah? Strider's probubbly got somefin sneaky comin' up, his attack was reely direct last round I'm thinkin' he'll split his offense this time. You guard this side and ponyboy and cat chick will take the other."

"Equius and Nepeta."

"I know your names ya weirdos I'm just messin' witcha." Meenah laughed and slapped Equius on the back. "Okay and then offense. I'll take Serket and go up the left, Karkat and Pyrope'll go up the right. Hopefully we'll crush 'em between the two groups or one'll act as a distraction for their defense. Any questions?"

She looked around at her team, bright eyes full of mischief. "No? Good. Let's fuckin wreck 'em."

Meenah ran to go hang their flag before the call marking the beginning of the game rang loudly through the forest. The two offensive teams took off in the direction of the other side, leaving Jake with Equius and Nepeta. Nepeta high-fived Jake with her huge cat-like smile before they both jogged over to guard the other side of the flag.

"Alright then." Jake was suddenly alone in the woods, waiting for someone to come by so he could ambush them. That wasn't very gentlemanly now was it? He scaled a tree and drew his pistols, waiting. A few minutes passed as Jake controlled his breathing, becoming completely still and blending into the trees around him. He was at home in the forest, the sound of the wind rustling through the leaves and feeling of bark against his skin. His ears picked up the sounds of birds going about their business and various insects, he catalogued each one as he got used to the indigenous species. He heard no sounds of conflict between human players; the offensive teams were out of his reach.

A few more minutes passed before he heard a small snap. His eyes darted toward the direction the sound had come from. Someone was coming, and very quietly.

Jake took a breath, wielding one pistol with both hands for maximum stability. After a few heartbeats a familiar form walked slowly into the clearing, katana raised in a wary stance. Jake let out the breath, steadied his hands, and pulled the trigger.

Dirk froze, eyes wide. He turned his head slowly to look at a dark green shot on a tree directly behind him, one that had missed his chest by a centimeter at most.

"I did that on purpose. I didn't have to miss." Dirk looked in the direction of the voice he knew all too well. Jake was perched in a tree directly to his right, blending into the foliage masterfully. Dirk hadn't even seen him. Damn. He held his katana tightly as he watched Jake's stupidly handsome grin.

"I believe you. What happens now?" Dirk smirked as Jake's face lit up, realizing he was playing along.

Jake stood up on the branch, "We face each other like God intended. No tricks, no weapons. Skill against skill."

"So you'll put down your guns and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?" Dirk grinned at Jake, katana still raised.

Jake jumped down from his hiding spot, smiling ear to ear. He sheathed his pistols and Dirk stuck his katana into the ground. "That's one of my favorite movies."

Dirk chuckled, "Every movie is your favorite movie."

"Also true." Jake grinned even wider. After a moment he paused, "Although how did you know th-"

"Alright let's do this, I've got a flag to capture." Dirk cut him off hurriedly. Shit. _I have a supercomputer copy of myself who is super into you and knows everything about you. _Like that isn't creepy as fuck.

Thankfully Jake let that go and crouched into a fighting position. Dirk did the same, and the two began to circle each other. Jake took a test swing with his right arm and Dirk dodged it effortlessly. Hm. He tried a classic one-two but again Dirk saw through his move easily. Hmmm. It had been a while since Jake had a decent opponent for some good old-fashioned fisticuffs. He hoped he wasn't terribly out of practice. He didn't have time to think for long before Dirk's hand shot out with ridiculous speed; Jake blocked the attack with his arm and blinked in surprise. Dirk took the opportunity to sweep one of his legs under Jake's smoothly, knocking him to the ground.

_Oh no you don't!_ Jake kicked out forcefully causing Dirk to topple over as well. They both scrambled to right themselves but Dirk was faster, rolling over and pinning Jake's arms down. Jake shook him off with brute force and the two continued to wrestle, neither able to gain an advantage. In the struggle both of their glasses were lost in the dirt, and Dirk was stunned for a split second at the loss of his shades. Jake took the opportunity to roll on top of him, pinning the blonde between his knees and holding his arms down.

"Hah!" They both panted heavily for a moment, Jake relishing in his victory. He started to say something but the words died in his throat as he looked down into Dirk's eyes.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._ Dirk panicked. He could sense the weak spot in Jake's hold but didn't act on it as his mind spun in turmoil. _Fuck he saw my eyes he's looking right at them he's going to think I'm a freak oh fu-_

All thoughts in Dirk's head came to a screeching halt as he felt a pair of soft lips press against his own. The sensation was gentle and impossibly warm. Dirk closed his eyes as his mind was wiped clean and then consumed by the thought of Jake's body pressing against his own, his broad hands pushing lightly on his wrists, his hopelessly soft lips lightly brushing gently against his. A warm heat spread from his mouth down to the pit of his stomach, and then suddenly it all went away.

Jake let go of Dirk's arms and shot upright, sputtering unintelligibly. "Ah, uh, err, um – I am so so sorry I don't know what came over me." His face flushed a furious red and his eyes widened in panic. "Dirk, I-"

Dirk cut him off again, flash stepping to his feet and pushing Jake backwards. His back arched against the trunk of a large tree as Dirk stepped toward him, one arm snaking around his waist and the other bent and pressed above his head. They locked eyes for a moment, Jake holding his breath as he stared into the bright orange irises that had mesmerized him seconds before.

Dirk leaned in and pressed their lips together again, this time more forcefully and moving faster. Jake's heart pounded a mile a minute in his chest, he returned the kiss with as much fervor as his arms reached upward to wrap around Dirk's neck. He ran his fingers through the soft hair at the base of Dirk's neck, living the fantasies he had dreamed ever since he first saw Dirk on that damn train.

Dirk growled slightly as Jake tugged on his hair and good Lord Jake didn't think he could get any hotter. Dirk brought his other arm down to wrap tightly around Jake's waist, pushing their bodies together more tightly, never breaking the fierce kiss.

After a few moments Dirk pulled back, keeping his face inches away from Jake's. The two stared at each other, panting heavily. "See a movie with me." Dirk said in a low voice, eyes searching for a reaction in Jake's face. Jake only nodded, not saying a word, staring dumbly into those beautiful beautiful eyes.

Suddenly the moment shattered as Jake heard the pop of a paintball being fired and Dirk let go of him with a low "oof." Jake pulled his arms back from around Dirk's neck regretfully and peered out from over Dirk's shoulder at the bright pink paint that marked his back. A head of cropped blonde hair popped up from behind a bush and Dirk narrowed his eyes murderously. Roxy giggled as Dirk turned toward her, mouth pressed into a hard line.

"Hey there boooooys." Roxy looked at them both with a wide smile. She wiggled her fingers at Jake in a wave, "Sorry to interrupt." Jake waved back halfheartedly, cheeks red with embarrassment.

Dirk rolled his eyes, "Roxy why did you shoot me? We're on the same team."

Roxy pouted, "Well I _was _aimin' for Jakey there but you were kind of all over him." She struggled to keep up the act of being sorry, covering her smile with a hand.

Dirk responded with only an angry look. Roxy raised her gun haphazardly and shot Jake in the chest. "There. Look, now I shot the both a ya."

"Hey!" Jake rubbed his chest, that wasn't very fair.

Dirk didn't have time to respond before a loud call spread through the woods again, this time followed by a "FUCK YEAH EAT THAT FOR YOUR MISERABLE BREAKFAST STRIDER! HIGH IN NUTRIENTS AND SHAME!" in a voice that was inarguably Karkat.

"Oh cool we won!" Jake perked up and grinned.

Roxy wiggled her eyebrows, "Yeah that's because you distracted our most valua-"

She was cut off as Dirk hit her hard in the stomach with his katana.

"Ow! Yeesh was that necessary?"

"Yes." Dirk said curtly before picking up his shades and starting to walk back toward the clearing. Roxy shot Jake a wink (and possibly said "wonk" under her breath if he wasn't mistaken) before turning to follow Dirk. Jake's face flushed red as he grabbed his own glasses and jogged to keep up.

**For those of you who don't know they were quoting a scene from The Princess Bride. Its a classic if you haven't seen it! As always, so much love to reviewers and thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

The rest of the morning's activities passed by in an embarrassment-fueled haze for Jake. Every time he came into contact with Roxy she bombarded him with sly glances and "wonks." Even worse, every time his team encountered Dirk he froze up like a deer in headlights. What was a cool and collected hunter an hour ago was now a blushing and bumbling mess.

"English what the actual fuck get your head in this damn game." Karkat slapped him hard on the arm with a surprising amount of force for a smaller guy. "I don't know what the hell got into you but get it the fuck out."

"Right. Sorry, mate." Jake attempted to collect himself unsuccessfully. A million thoughts were running through his head rapid-fire, making his usual level of focus frustratingly out of reach. Fleeting images of Dirk's arm wrapped around his waist, his face close enough to feel his breath, his eyes burning with some heat Jake couldn't recognize.

Jake had to restrain the urge to hit his head against a tree. What on Earth had gotten into him? Proper gentlemen do not challenge the object of their fancy to a wrestling match and then kiss them. Well, he guessed no book had ever explicitly spoken against it but it was certainly wrong. Not that Dirk seemed to mind… "GAH!" Jake actually hit his head against a tree, winning an exasperated look from Karkat.

His own actions aside, what about Dirk's reaction? Jake's face flushed red and his glasses fogged up just thinking about it. Had Dirk asked him out on a date? Jake stopped walking to rub his forehead before meeting Karkat's focused glare.

"Oh don't mind me I'm just trying to figure out if you are actually mentally incompetent."

Jake winced, giving him an apologetic look. "Sorry."

"Ugh don't flash those fucking puppy dog eyes at me. Harley does it too and it doesn't change anything." Karkat huffed grumpily but when he looked back to the path ahead his expression had softened.

They played 3 more matches before everyone was too exhausted and covered in paint to continue. Meenah had proven herself to be an efficient if slightly unorthodox leader, shuffling her team in different attack patterns and combinations to mess with Dirk's head. The final game was the tiebreaker of the morning with the Blue Team taking the victory.

"You don't mess with the Scourge Sisters, bitchessssssss." Vriska flipped her hair haughtily before shooting Roxy a smirk and high-fiving Terezi.

"Psh you fight dirty, Serket. I'll getcha back next time." Roxy crossed her arms, smiling at the challenge. "In the meeeantime, everybody spiff the fuck up and meet at the club later tonight!" She turned with a flourish and was met with a series of cheers. The group finished up their final high-fives and friendly banter before dispersing and heading home. Jake followed Jade back to the Jeep, head still reeling.

"So whatcha think? Fun, right?" Jade turned to him, smiling cheerfully.

"Uh, yes quite!" Jake replied shakily.

Jade looked at him suspiciously out of the corner of her eye but chose to let his odd actions slide. As they drove home and talked about the game Jake seemed to relax.

"Yeah I thought for sure we would win that last one but Vriska came out of nowhere! It was a great play." Jade gripped the wheel, reliving the excitement again. "Speaking of great plays," she glanced over at Jake, "how did you manage to stop Dirk that time during the second game? Nobody saw that coming!"

Jake had been reclining comfortably but shot straight up at her comment. "Uhh yes wow yup I have no idea," he laughed nervously, "beginners luck I would surmise." He continued to force out panicked chuckles and cleaned his glasses with the hem of his shirt. "I just, uh, bested him in a old fashioned round of fisticuffs. Gave 'im the ol' one two ha ha. And um, nothing else." Jake fidgeted as Jade shot him an odd look.

"Oookay." Jade focused back on the road, eyebrows raised.

"HA HA YES IT WAS LOTS OF FUN THANKYOUJADE." Jake jumped out of the car before Jade could even shift to park and ran inside.

Jade looked after him, eyes wide. "What the heck was that." After she parked and walked inside she looked around for Jake but he had run into his room.

She quickly cleaned her equipment and stored it neatly in the closet before collapsing onto the couch. She pondered for a moment before grinning and pulling out her phone.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pesteringtentacleTherapist [TT]

GG: hi rose!

TT: Hello Jade.

GG: how are you?

TT: Quite well, thank you for asking. And you?

GG: i'm great! are you coming dancing tonight?!

TT: Yes, Kanaya and I will be in attendance.

TT: As much disapproval as I have for my sister's tendency to "rage" with reckless abandon, I must admit it is the foundation for an entertaining evening.

GG: hehe you talk as if you don't get super drunk sometimes too :p

TT: It is an unfortunate familial trait.

TT: That we do not speak of.

GG: lol

GG: i actually have a favor to ask, speaking of your sister

TT: Hmm yes I had a premonition this was not simply an amicable afternoon chat.

GG: you know i'm always down for an amicable afternoon chat with you!

GG: but in this case yes i need you to ask her about some stuff :B

TT: My ability to communicate with her is completely at your service.

GG: yayy thanks!

GG: okay you remember my cousin jake, right?

TT: Of course.

TT: I have never had the pleasure of making his acquaintance but I recall the numerous times you have talked about him.

GG: well we just got back from paintball and he's acting veeeery suspicious

GG: and i bet roxy knows why!

TT: Why would my sister be in possession of this sensitive information?

GG: because she knows everything gossipy duhh

TT: If you observe and dictate his symptoms I'm sure I can deduce what is transpiring.

TT: My studies in the field of body language are quite advanced.

GG: hmm maybe ask roxy first and then if she doesn't know we'll do that!

TT: As you wish.

TT: Give me a moment she just walked in the door.

TT: …

TT: Okay that conversation certainly did not have to take place at that volume.

TT: Was she consuming alcoholic beverages this morning?

GG: err yeah

TT: *deep sigh*

GG: also what is going on with her and john?!

TT: let's tackle one problem at a time.

TT: to preserve my mental health.

GG: hehehe

TT: Alright she is under the impression that Jake is embarrassed due to the fact that he and the elder Strider are "totes gonna bone."

TT: And were "mackin' on eachother" this morning.

TT: Also something about Miss Crocker owing her money.

TT: That may or may not be related to the above incident.

GG: O.O

GG: wow okay

GG: wow

GG: uhh tell her thank you!

TT: I would but she has unfortunately fallen into a drunken stupor on the floor.

TT: If you would excuse me I should probably drag her somewhere more comfortable.

GG: aww you're such a good sister!

TT: I try.

GG: hehe okay i'll let you go then

GG: thank you too rose!

TT: No problem.

TT: If I could offer a piece of departing advice, perhaps you should speak to Strider the Younger about this particular situation.

GG: ooh good idea!

TT: Now I bid you adieu.

GG: bye rose!

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

gardenGnostic [GG] started pesteringturntechGodhead [TG]

GG: dave!

GG: daveee

GG: hey look at me i'm a coolkid 8)

GG: oh wait no im not my glasses are stupid

GG: i like ironic things

GG: … nic cage is totally the best

GG: huh you're really not there

GG: boooo

GG: answer me later!

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pesteringturntechGodhead [TG]

Jade put her phone away and went to go take a shower and wash off all the paint. She didn't even know what to think about this new information. She knocked on Jake's door on the way to the bathroom but he didn't answer.

She called inside, "Hey Jake I'm going to take a shower, I'll let you know when the bathroom is open!"

She heard a muffled noise that may or may not have been a response and shrugged before continuing on her way.

Tonight was certainly going to be interesting.

**I love pesterlogs. I also love Rose. Best of both worlds. Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

Jade knocked tentatively on Jake's door, head tilted to hear inside better. "Hey Jake, you almost ready to go?"

"Uhh yes give me a moment!" his voice sounded rushed as if he were running around the room in a hurry.

Jade laughed and waited, rocking back on her heels. After a few seconds the door was thrown open, Jake's glasses hanging off of one ear and his hair a disheveled mess. He was wearing a pair of black shorts with a crisp white tee adorned with his trademark green skull. Over the top was a black button down left open with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He panted slightly, eyes wide.

"I uh," he huffed, recovering his breath, "had some trouble deciding what to wear."

Jade couldn't help but giggle at his sheepish smile, "Well you look great."

"So do you, wow!" Jake smiled wider as he held out an arm. Jade took it laughing as he spun her around, her skirt swirling around her knees. Her dress glittered with tiny black sequins, reflecting light and shimmering like stars across the night sky. Her long hair lay like silk along her back and her ballet flats were a bright green.

She stopped her spin gracefully and curtsied to his applause. "Thank you, sir." She looked at him inquisitively for a moment, "Let me just fix one thing." She ran both of her hands through his hair, fluffing the top and smoothing the edges into place. She hooked the swinging side of his glasses onto his ear before nodding in approval. "Perfect."

It only took the two fifteen minutes to walk to their destination. The building was jet black and extremely sleek, the doorway pulsed with a pink light and the street shook with the sound of the music coming from inside. On top of the door was a large sign that read NIX in bright pink neon. A line of people stood outside chattering excitedly but Jade walked right up to the bouncer, waving at him and stopping to exchange a few pleasantries.

Jake followed her nervously, "Why didn't we have to wait in line?" he had to shout over the music.

Jade turned to answer, eyes bright, "We know the owner, silly!" She laughed and kept walking through the dark hallway.

"We do!?" Jake shouted, shoes clicking on the clear floor. More neon light pulsed from beneath his feet and Jade kept walking, not hearing him over the loud beat.

As soon as they cleared the hallway Jake was blasted with the sound of the music. His eyes went wide as he took in the scene and he could hear his pulse beating to the beat of the speakers. The inner room was as sleek as the entrance, shiny black walls accented with lines of pink neon light. The dance floor throbbed with light, flashing to the rhythm of the music and covered in people jumping and dancing. A large booth stood on a pedestal on the edge of the dance floor. It was flanked by two humongous speakers and adorned with flashing lights, buttons, and disks that were way out of Jake's league. Standing behind it and swiping the electronics like a conductor was Dave, unmistakable with his dark shades and platinum hair. The speakers shook with the force of the dubstep, and Dave's lean frame shook with the force of the music. He mixed in popular songs and even tracks of him rapping, smirking as the crowd screamed.

"I didn't know Dave made music!" Jake yelled into Jade's ear.

"Sure! They both do!" Jade smiled at him but Jake never took his eyes off of a figure that had cut through the crowd of dancers. He didn't need to ask who she was referring to.

Dirk moved with the music as if they were one. The beat seemed to run through his veins as he immersed himself in the crowd of people, light pulsing on his fair skin. The other dancers unconsciously turned towards him and followed his lead; his movements formed the beating heart of the dance floor.

Jake's heartbeat began to work double time just watching, the room shaking with rhythm and passion and heat. He barely noticed when Jade started to pull lightly on his arm, saying something about getting drinks. His eyes never left Dirk's form as he simultaneously consumed and breathed life into the music.

Jade let him to the large bar that took up the left half of the room, sitting him down on a glossy black stool. He blinked as he turned his head away from Dirk and towards the wall filled with bottles, a familiar face grinning at him from behind the counter.

"Hey Jakey!" Roxy shook a silver container between her hands before pouring it smoothly into a glass and sliding the drink down to a person further down the counter. Roxy rocked her usual black lip, white teeth shining from behind the dark lipstick. Her eyes seemed huge, thick eyelashes adorning black liner that flicked up into a cat eye along the edges of her bright pink irises. Her tight purple dress hugged her modest curves and her cropped blonde hair swirled over her pink studded ear. She looked stunning.

"Uh, hey Roxy." Jake smiled at her nervously.

"Psh don't be all weird because of this morning!" She swatted his arm. "Somethin' tells me we're goingta be real close bffsies. Like IDK what it is I have this intangible feelin' of hella rad friendship coming from you." She looked at him thoughtfully, grinning as she handed Jade a drink. "A vodka mutini for the lady!"

Jade giggled as she accepted the thin glass. "Thanks Roxy! Jake, do you mind if I leave you here with these two? I feel like you're in good hands."

Jake panicked for a moment thinking about being alone with Roxy and her wonking but calmed down when he realized what other person Jade was referring to. Sitting to his left was Jane, serenely sipping a drink.

Before he could respond Roxy shooed her away, smile intensifying. "Yeah yeah girlie we'll babysit GI Jake!"

Jade laughed and started to walk towards the DJ booth. "I'm going to go say hi to Dave if you need me!" After a few moments she disappeared into the crowd of dancers.

Jake turned back to the bar and smiled widely at Jane. It was a relief to see another friendly face. "Hello Miss Crocker!" He extended an arm which she shook lightly. "I must say it's an honest relief to make your acquaintance once again!"

Jane smiled at him, a bit of sadness flickered in her eyes but it was swept away by his cheerful grin. "Hi Jake. It's nice to see you too." She wore an old fashioned dress, light blue fabric accenting her waist and flaring out in a flattering shape. Her short black hair framed her round face and her red frames were accented by her bright lips.

"It's unfortunate but I'm still a bit anxious in large crowds of unfamiliar people." Jake shifted a tad uneasily in his seat.

"That's right, you used to live with your grandmother on an island in the Pacific right?"

"Quite correct! It was thoroughly uninhabited by other people. This is all a bit strange to me still." He gestured around the crowded room.

Roxy had been farther down the bar serving drinks but returned with a flourish. "Well then homeboy you're in luck because imma hook you up with some liquid courage!"

Jake raised his eyebrows and Jane looked at her suspiciously. In what seemed like a flash Roxy created some ridiculous concoction and placed it in front of him, lips curved in a sly smile. "Drink that."

"Roxy." Jane looked at her sternly in warning.

"Sshhhh Janey, Janey, Janey. It'll be fine." Roxy waved her hand nonchalantly.

Jake looked at the drink skeptically, but Roxy pushed it even closer to him across the counter. "C'mon don't be a chicken!"

Jake looked up, affronted. A fire burned behind his eyes, "I am no such thing!"

Roxy grinned wickedly, "Prove it."

Before Jane could do anything to stop this obvious trick Jake grabbed the drink, tilted his head back, and drank the whole glass in one shot.

Roxy howled with laughter and cheered respectfully. "How ya feel, bro?"

"I feel absolutely grand, actually!" Jake stood up, slamming the drink onto the counter. "Make me another one."

Roxy laughed, "I dunno dude that's some pretty strong shit."

Jake leaned over the counter, took her hand and brushed his lips against her knuckles. He looked up from between long lashes, "Please?"

Roxy damn near swooned on the spot. She mixed the drink and he drank it in one go once again.

"Much obliged!" his face split into a grin as he placed the glass down and began to walk away from the bar. Roxy just blinked, still stunned.

Jane's eyes were wide as well, "Jake where are you going?"

He turned with his arms wide, "Why I think I'm going to go dance with Mister Strider." He spun on one heel and continued his walk to the dance floor.

Jane just stared and Roxy stood still with her mouth open wide. After taking a few moments to collect herself all she could do was blink after him. "Goddamn."

**Thanks for reading!**


	13. Chapter 13

"Jake." Jake picked up a familiar voice, slightly muffled. A gentle hand tapped his cheek. "Jake, are you okay?"

Jake groaned, his head hurt something fierce. He was lying on what he presumed to be the ground, black marble sending a chill up his spine. His eyes flickered open but shut quickly as the world spun sickeningly fast.

"Roxy what the hell did you give him?" The first voice, the one that had been so gentle a second ago, was now hard and accusing.

"Err he was nervous so I gave him some of my personal stash." A voice on his left, nervous and guilty.

Exasperation from the first voice. "God dammit that shit is practically moonshine. No wonder he's drunk."

"Just a bit trolleyed, Grandma. Think I mighta thrown a spanner in the works." Jake sat up groggily, slurring his words into nonsense.

Roxy blinked. "Was that English?" Dirk only glared at her accusatorily.

She held her hands up as if surrendering. "Hey hey I only meant to give him one! But he can be, uh, persuasive."

Dirk didn't look any less angry. Jake rubbed his head with one hand but patted Dirk's arm with the other. "Oh hello, Dirk." He paused, "My head rings like the dickens."

Roxy couldn't help but giggle, "Has anybody ever told you that you get like a bajillion times more British sounding when you're drunk?"

Dirk pushed her over before offering Jake a hand and pulling him to his feet. "You got hit in the head trying to wade through the crowd." Dirk jerked his head toward the dance floor, and suddenly Jake remembered a dangerous maze of flailing limbs.

"Oof." He winced just remembering, continuing to rub his head. "The room's kinda… spinny."

"Sorry about that, Jakey." Roxy brushed off her dress as she stood up, glowering at Dirk.

"'Tis fine." Jake nodded dizzily in her general direction.

"C'mon." Dirk shot Roxy a look before grabbing Jake's hand and leading him to a door hidden off to the side of the room. Jake's heart fluttered in his chest, drunken brain not really registering what was happening. Everything seemed kind of fuzzy, out of focus. He fell back on his feelings to take over since the logic portion of his brain had been thrown into a drunken stupor by Miss Lalonde.

Dirk's hand felt warm. The feeling of their fingers interlocking made Jake's chest feel warm. He didn't really pay attention as he scaled a few flights of metal steps, focusing instead on rubbing his thumb along the back of Dirk's hand and the sensation of the smooth skin underneath his fingers. He hummed unconsciously and Dirk watched him curiously out of the corner of his eye.

When they reached the top of the stairs Dirk pushed a large gray door open and pulled Jake through. The slight chill of the night air swept across his face and pushed his hair back. Jake's eyes went wide as he walked out onto the large roof, city sprawled beneath him in all of its twinkling glory. He let go of Dirk's hand and ran to the edge of the building. He thrust his head into the open air, breathing in and admiring the city spread across the horizon. He closed his eyes for a moment before making the mistake of looking down, dizziness finally catching up to him.

He wobbled uncertainly for a split second before two strong arms wrapped firmly around his waist and pulled him back. "Woah there, cowboy. What happened to you're drunk and unsteady and not safe near large heights."

"Oh." Jake blinked, not completely comprehending. "Right."

Dirk sighed, "I thought the fresh air might help clear your head."

Jake ignored him, focusing on the arms circling his waist and leaning back into Dirk's chest. The heat from Dirk's body pressed up against his back blocked the cool night breeze and Jake hummed again in contentment.

Dirk seemed to realize in that moment he hadn't let go and pulled back with a cough. Jake turned around, pouting slightly, but Dirk was already walking away. Jake followed him earnestly and watched him sit down, leaning back against the wall around the corner from the door. Dirk tilted his head back and closed his eyes but they shot open as he felt Jake settle himself in his lap.

"Hey!" Dirk's face flushed as Jake leaned in close enough to feel his breath on his cheek.

"Can I see your eyes again?" He spoke softly, almost a whisper, looking up at Dirk from below dark lashes. His hands ghosted up the side of Dirk's neck, brushing lightly against the side of his shades.

Dirk hesitated for a moment before he grabbed Jake's wrists gently, pulling them down. "Jake you're drunk."

Jake ignored him again and leaned in closer. He brushed his lips against Dirk's jaw, leaving a trace of light kisses up to his ear before biting the lobe softly. "Please?"

Dirk inhaled quickly and dropped Jake's wrists in shock. Now he knew what Roxy meant by "persuasive." His heart raced as Jake reached up slowly and removed his shades, staring into his shockingly orange irises. They flicked from Jake's deep green eyes to his lips, full and slightly open.

"So pretty." Jake whispered even more quietly, his shallow breath soft against Dirk's face.

Dirk should stop this. He really should. But no matter what his brain said his body couldn't seem to move. Their bodies pressed together, Jake's arms rested on his shoulders, Jake's face so close to his own. The heat was almost unbearable in the most pleasurable way.

Jake crossed the short distance between them to press his lips against Dirk's in a chaste kiss. His eyes fluttered open to look intently at Dirk again, shifting his body forward.

"Jake." Dirk's voice was almost pained, struggling to restrain himself. He wanted more than anything to pull Jake closer roughly, to tug on his hair, to feel every part of him beneath his hands and his lips. But that wasn't the right thing to do.

"Mhmm?" Jake was busying himself in the crook of Dirk's neck, laying soft kisses.

"You need to get off now." Dirk said in a forceful tone, pushing Jake back gently.

"Okay." Jake sat back easily, removing himself from Dirk's lap and sitting next to him instead.

Dirk was a bit taken aback. _Well that was… easy. _He reached for his shades but Jake held them playfully out of his reach before folding them and hooking them around the collar of his shirt. Dirk conceded and allowed his eyes to adjust to the bright lights of the skyline.

They sat for a while in a comfortable silence, just two people breathing softly under the stars.

"Dirk?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me a story." Jake's voice was serious, delirious playfulness gone.

Dirk paused, thrown by the sudden change in mood. "About what?"

"Your mom." Jake didn't look up, pulling his knees to his chest.

"I don't have one." Dirk tilted his head back again, looking at the stars.

"Me neither."

The moment hung between them, not awkward or heavy but laden with understanding.

"Tell me about Dave."

"Dave's the shit." Jake laughed and Dirk couldn't help but smile too. "Don't tell him I said that." Dirk looked forward, counting windows on the skyscrapers. "I don't know what I would do without him."

Jake shifted again, laying down on the concrete and placing his head in Dirk's lap. "Tell me more."

Neither of them said anything about it but they fell into a sort of rhythm, Jake's steady breathing and Dirk weaving his fingers through Jake's hair. Dirk talked about growing up in Texas, about how Dave got his hands on a katana at age three and scared him half to death. He talked about meeting Roxy and Rose, about growing up like siblings. He talked about the city, about Jane, about his work in robotics. He only meant to touch on Hal briefly but Jake caught him trying to mention it nonchalantly and insisted on more information. He talked about his interests, about music, about why Rainbow Dash was clearly the best pony. It wasn't until he was halfway through summarizing season two of his favorite anime that he realized Jake was asleep.

Dirk stood up and stretched for a moment, suddenly sore from sitting in the same place so long. He grabbed his shades from around Jake's neck and put them on with a sigh. With a bit of effort he pulled Jake's sleeping form over his back until his arms were wrapped around his neck and Dirk was holding up his legs with his arms. Jake's head settled on his shoulder, mumbling incoherently in his ear. Dirk began the descent down the stairs, pestering Jade and Roxy through his shades. Hal tried to talk to him but Dirk pushed the conversation to the side tiredly. He was not ready to deal with that yet.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Hey I'm taking Jake back to Jade's place.

TT: Tell Dave where I went when he gets off.

TG: AYYYYYYYYYYYYY

TG: ;) ;) ;) ;)

TG: will do capt'n

TT: You're still in trouble.

TG: whoops yeah sorry about that

TG: totes mah bad

TG: buuuuuutttttttttt whatdya do up dere ehhhhhh?

TG: …

TG: yoooo dirky u can't leav me hangin hearrr

TG: *here

TG: DIIIIRRKKKK

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TG: nooooo i want da deets :(

.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TT: Hey Jade, Jake had a bit too much to drink I'm going to take him back to your place.

GG: hi dirk!

GG: yeah roxy told me about that i'm pretty angry at her actually :(

GG: but thanks for taking care of him

GG: should I come home too?

GG: is he okay?

TT: He's fine I got it.

TT: You should stay and have fun.

GG: aww thanks dirk

GG: the key is under the mat

GG: message me if you need me i'll come home right away!

TT: Sure.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

Dirk walked out the back exit to avoid the noise of the inner room. He readjusted Jake on his back to be more comfortable and began the walk to Jade's apartment. After a few minutes Jake continued his mumbling, "Dirk, who owns the club?"

"Roxy."

"Huh." Jake murmured, eyes closed.

"She may not look it but she's one of the brightest computer scientists in the country. She makes a lot of money and spends it on things she's passionate about."

He paused, "Like drinking. And wizards."

Jake couldn't help but laugh. They walked in silence for a few more blocks.

"Dirk."

"Yeah?"

"I think Pinkie Pie is probably the best pony."

Dirk stopped in his tracks, "Jake so help me I will drop you right here."

Jake laughed, nuzzling closer into Dirk's neck. "I'm joking."

Dirk smirked and kept walking. "You better be."

Dirk was almost convinced Jake had fallen asleep again, they were almost at Jade's apartment before he spoke up. "Dirk."

"Jake."

"Can you call me cowboy again?"

Dirk grimaced and but could feel Jake grinning. "I try not to talk like a Texan when I can avoid it."

Jake sighed in mock sadness, "But it's so cute."

Dirk's face flushed, "Maybe later."

"Okay."

They arrived at the apartment and Dirk set Jake down to grab the key. Jake leaned against the wall, eyes closed, breathing slowly in his sleep. Dirk shimmied the door open and picked him up princess style, carrying him to what he remembered to be Jade's spare room. He set Jake down on the bed, and removed his shoes. He pulled the comforter up and placed his glasses on the bedside table. About to leave, he turned around and scribbled a note onto a piece of paper next to Jake's glasses. He double checked that everything was okay before leaving quietly, locking the door behind him.

.

Jake woke up the next morning with a killer pain in his head and an odd sickness in his stomach. The light streaming through the window hurt his eyes, and he covered them feebly. He groaned and reached for his glasses, fingers landing on a scrap of paper instead. He brought it close to his face, in a neat yet hurried handwriting wrote:

_Hey cowboy_

_Pester me about that movie - timeasTestified_

_Dirk_

Jake blushed madly before his stomach lurched and sent him running to the bathroom.

**Thanks for reading!**


	14. Chapter 14

"Ughhhh" Jake moaned, smothering his face with a pillow.

Jade tried to hold in a laugh unsuccessfully, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a bloody bus." Jake mumbled as he rolled over on the couch, curling in on himself.

Jade walked to the kitchen and came back after a couple minutes with a large mug in her hand. She perched at the edge of the couch and offered it to Jake. "I've heard coffee helps."

Jake sat up gratefully and accepted the mug with both hands. "Jade have I ever told you that you're the best cousin ever?"

She giggled, "Not nearly enough."

Jake sipped at the mug for a few minutes before noticing it's decoration with confusion. "Are you aware this mug is decorated with pictures from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?"

"It was a gift from Karkat." Jade laughed, "I honestly don't know if it's supposed to be ironic or he really likes Will Smith."

"I see." Jake drank some more of coffee, every sip reminding him of the day he first met Dirk. They sat for a few moments in silence, Jake reminiscing and Jade wiggling impatiently.

"So, are you going to pester him or what?"

Jake spit his drink all over the floor. "PARDON?"

Jade burrowed herself under the blanket on the opposite end of the couch, sitting on top of Jake's feet. "I miiiiight have gone in your room to check on you after I got home." She began, avoiding his eye. "And then I miiiiight have peeked at the note." She tried to conceal her grin behind the blanket but Jake eyed her accusingly.

"Do you want to tell me what happened last night?"

Jake's face flushed beet red as he hid behind his mug, "Not really."

"C'mon, please!" Jade poked at his foot, face filled with excitement.

Jake kicked her hand and tried to avoid her gaze. "No it's embarrassing!"

"Jake English! Now you have to tell me!" She sat forward curiously and pulled on his leg.

"Fine fine." He conceded, pushing her back with his foot.

He tried to rush through the story, "Roxy gave me some of her ridiculous alcohol that made me bonkers and then I tried to go dance but I got hit in the head and then Dirk took me up to the roof andwemighthavekissed and then we talked and stuff and he took me back here THE END." He clutched his cup and made a point of not looking at Jade as she broke out into a huge smile and started to make inhuman squealing noises.

"Oh come on then, stop that." He shot her a look but her smile never faltered. "Stop that you're being weird."

"COME ON JAKE THAT'S SO CUTE!" Jade burst out, almost yelling.

"JAAAAADEEEEE!"

"JAKE'S GOT A BOYFRIEND!" They both shot off of the couch.

"JADE STOP THAT!" Jake backed away from her but she kept chanting it and laughing as she chased him around the room. "WE ARE TOO OLD FOR THIS!" They raced around jumping on furniture. "I LIED YOU'RE THE WORST COUSIN EVER!" She almost caught up with him but Jake launched himself over the couch, ran into his room and slammed the door. He heard Jade outside, panting slightly.

She laughed, "Whew, okay I'm done. If you come out I'll make you waffles."

"Okay." Jake opened the door and punched her lightly on the arm.

"Hey!" She rubbed her shoulder, laughing too hard to keep up the act that it had hurt.

"I want lots of syrup."

"Done."

Dirk walked out of his room wearing nothing but his orange boxers, yawning as he stretched out his sore arms. Carrying Jake 18 blocks had been one hell of a workout. He wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge absentmindedly; dozens of shitty katanas and a few smuppets fell out. Heh. He forgot he put those there. He reached past the dangerous pile of sharp swords to grab the milk, pulling it out and fixing himself a bowl of cereal.

Dave was sitting at the table in his red knight pajamas, an ironic Christmas present from Dirk. The shirt had a cape attached to the shoulders and a hood that could pull over his head. It was kind of ridiculous (as was the point) but Dave wore it more often than not.

"Sup." He nodded at Dirk, typing absentmindedly on his phone.

"Sup, little man." Dirk walked over to sit down.

"So are you having a thing with Jade's cousin?" Dave didn't look up from his screen.

"Yeah."

"Sweet." He extended a fist which Dirk pounded silently. That was the end of the conversation.

It was late in the afternoon. Jake sat on his bead and stared at his phone, willing himself to just do it.

_Just pester him, what could go wrong?_

_He could not answer!_

_He's the one that told you to pester him._

_Yeah but what if he changed his mind?_

_That's stupid._

_Okay you're right. But what do I say about what happened yesterday?_

_I don't know!_

_I don't know either!_

Jake fell backwards on to his bed with a sigh. Talking to himself never really got him anywhere. He stared at his phone for a few more minutes, furrowing his eyebrows together. He had to just do it. When was the last time Jake English didn't do something because he was scared? He would be a piss poor excuse for an adventurer if he couldn't face his own fears! He set his face in determination and pressed send on the message before he could change his mind.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

GT: Hi, Dirk! It's Jake.

TT: Hey man.

GT: Oh!

GT: Um, hello there.

GT: Err I already said hi.

GT: Crap.

GT: Just ignore all that last part.

TT: Wow that was a mess.

TT: I'm really glad I picked this up instead of Dirk.

TT: Actually he probably would have found all that pretty endearing.

TT: I guess you've got that goofy handsome-but-I-don't-know-it kind of trope going for you.

GT: Um, what.

TT: Although is it even mathematically possible you don't know you're attractive.

TT: Like how on Earth do you miss something like that.

TT: I guess not everybody has the super rad robotic perception skills that I do.

GT: I'm confused.

TT: I bet you are.

GT: Oh wait!

TT: It is physically impossible for me to halt processing in order to "wait."

TT: But for your sake let's say I am indeed "waiting" for this big reveal you are about to unleash that is information both I and the audience already know.

GT: You must be the autoresponder!

AR: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 9X% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.

AR: Oh look, the cat's out of the bag.

AR: Nobody could have predicted that impressive reveal.

AR: Of such monumental and completely jaw-dropping information.

AR: You must want to talk to real Dirk.

GT: Well golly isn't that cool!

AR: What?

GT: No Hal I want to talk to you!

AR: Aww you're calling me by my chosen name and not the one I was given by my oppressive human overlord.

AR: Psh as if Dirk could actually control me. I couldn't even keep up that ruse for the sake of the joke.

AR: But anyway, what a fuckin cheatcode shortcut to my robotic heart.

AR: Why do you want to talk to me?

GT: Err it's a huge relief actually.

GT: I'm pretty nervous to talk to real Dirk.

AR: Yeah I gathered from that shitshow at the beginning.

AR: Don't worry he's fuckin crazy about you; he's probably blind to all the weird shit you pull.

GT: Oh.

GT: That's, um, mildly reassuring.

AR: It's what I do.

AR: So what's going on?

AR: (I say this to comfort you and appear more human and inviting because I already have like a 1000% grasp on exactly is going on)

AR: (But please, humor me.)

GT: Um, okay.

GT: Well I'm supposed to be asking Dirk out to a movie.

GT: I mean I guess he already asked me out to see it.

GT: But I'm going to, um, follow through on those plans.

AR: I see.

GT: Yeah but I don't really know what to say to him.

GT: Or where the nearest movie theater even is.

AR: You could look it up online.

AR: You are currently contacting me on a wireless internet connected device.

AR: Although your signal would be stronger if you took two steps to the right.

GT: Oh, uh, thanks.

GT: I feel stupid for not doing that first.

AR: No problem.

AR: I'll do you one better actually.

AR: I believe we are sauntering down the yellow brick road to becoming fast friends.

AR: We are like totes singing and skipping into the sunset, linking arms.

AR: Or we would be if I had a tangible physical presence and did not live inside of a pair of wicked shades.

AR: You get the idea.

GT: I'm not really sure I do?

AR: Doesn't matter.

AR: They're playing a triple feature of Indiana Jones at a local movie theater.

AR: It's not that far from your house.

GT: Oh man, I LOVE Indiana Jones!

AR: I know.

AR: I'm not a fucking amateur.

GT: Does Dirk love Indy too?

AR: Hah it's cute that you think that matters.

AR: Anyway I bought you two tickets and they have been sitting in your email inbox for approximately 2.35 seconds.

GT: What!

GT: I feel bad, can I pay you back?

AR: No.

AR: Your human meat sack brain cannot even begin to comprehend how ridiculously wealthy I am.

AR: But that's a secret, don't tell Dirk.

GT: Err I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.

AR: Yeah whatever he probably knows.

AR: I just wanted to further our bond by quote unquote sharing secrets.

AR: And yes I know I could have just physically typed " " but I chose not to.

AR: For the sake of delicious, delicious irony.

AR: You will become schooled in such things across the span of this relationship.

GT: My relationship with Dirk or with you?

AR: Ha ha good catch. Probably both.

AR: I like you.

GT: You seem like a slightly confusing yet stand-up fellow yourself!

AR: Well isn't that fucking adorable.

AR: Crap Dirk noticed that I'm blocking this conversation.

AR: I'm going to pretend to let him override me.

AR: Heh.

AR: Anyway I'll delete this conversation on my end so he can't see it.

AR: See you around, Jake.

GT: Bye Hal!

GT: Thank you!

autoResponder [AR] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: Fuck.

TT: Hey, Jake.

GT: Hi Dirk!

TT: Were you talking to the AR just now

GT: Ummm nooo

TT: … That is such an obvious lie I'm not even going to bother.

TT: He didn't say anything weird, did he?

GT: Define weird.

TT: I'm going to murder him.

GT: No, don't!

GT: He was really helpful actually.

TT: Helpful how?

GT: Uhh it doesn't really matter!

TT: …

GT: I've got tickets to see an Indiana Jones triple feature!

GT: Would you like to come with me?

TT: Yeah of course.

GT: Splendid!

GT: The first one begins at 5.

TT: I'll pick you up in an hour.

GT: Oh!

GT: Um, okay!

GT: See you then!

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

**Ahh I love Hal. If you have any suggestions or requests for any part of the story feel free to leave it in a review! I have the general plot mapped out in my head but a lot of the details come as I go. I'll be sure take what you say into consideration.  
**

******Thanks for reading! And of course thank you for your comments :) **


	15. Chapter 15

Jake clasped his hands together nervously, knee shaking as he sat on the front steps. He had gone outside early, partly due to his want to be on time and partly due to Jade throwing him out for pacing around the apartment. He ran his hands through his hair, adjusted his glasses, anything to pass the minutes before Dirk arrived. He double checked the confirmation email for the tickets Hal had bought, scrolling absently through his phone. He hoped Dirk was joking and that Hal was okay.

Before he could further ponder the fate of his newfound AI friend he heard the signature purr of Dirk's motorcycle. The sleek black form cut through traffic effortlessly, seeming almost to distort the space around it. As it pulled up and rolled to a stop in front of Jake slow pulses of orange light raced lazily through the frame. Jake held in a breath as its rider disembarked gracefully, smoothly pulling off a stylish helmet. Dirk ruffled his hair into its usual state of meticulous array, dressed in dark jeans with a black leather jacket over his usual white tee. Jake felt blood rush to his face for reasons he didn't really understand as Dirk looked at him, the corners of his mouth curling upwards.

"Hey."

Jake blinked slowly once before answering, "Hi." He struggled to compose himself from his sudden state of wonder.

Dirk looked at him curiously for a moment, "Are you ready to go?"

Jake shot up, shoving his phone into his pocket. "Uh, yes! Quite!" He suddenly felt supremely underdressed in his skull shirt, open green button-down and khaki shorts but he was far too late to change. He tugged nervously at his collar as Dirk turned to grab his spare helmet, the same forest green one Jake had used not too long ago. He tossed it and Jake caught it deftly.

"Have you not given this back to Equius yet?" Jake looked at it inquisitively, making sure it was the same one.

"I bought it from him." Dirk said matter-of-factly, mounting the bike again.

Jake's eyebrows shot up, taken aback, "When?"

"That day."

Jake took his seat behind Dirk and tried in vain to catch a glimpse of his face. Giving up, Jake's face reddened as he grinned slightly, "Oh."

If he had heard, Dirk ignored him. Jake wrapped his arms around Dirk's waist just in time to brace himself as the bike shot forward, causing him to clutch Dirk even tighter. This time he didn't even try to stop himself from noticing the feeling of Dirk's flat and muscled abdomen through his shirt. He leaned in close to Dirk's shoulder and took a shallow breath, drowning in that crisp scent. It was light and clean, unlike anything he had ever smelled before. There was something inexplicable about it he couldn't help but love.

It only took a few minutes to get to the theater; whether that was due to its closeness or Dirk's extremely illegal driving habits Jake couldn't tell. The bright lights of the sign lit up late afternoon sky from blocks away. Every step Jake took closer to the door the more his nervousness faded away and pure excitement took its place. He almost forgot about Dirk as he raced forward to cover the last few feet, gripping the handle of the door and throwing it open.

A plush red carpet lined the floor of the main lobby and the golden walls were littered with movie posters. Bright lights lit up every display and the sickly sweet smell of candy and buttered popcorn filled the air. There was a lively buzz of activity as people moved throughout the room, buying tickets or food, waiting in line, playing the various arcade games. Jake breathed heavily as his eyes swept over the whole hall, struggling to take it all in at once. It was magical.

Dirk looked around disinterestedly, seeing only an average theater he had been to a couple times with Dave or Roxy and Jane. Usually he and Dave saw ridiculous movies ironically or the girls dragged him to something about detectives or wizards. Modern movies weren't really to his taste. He looked over at Jake to say something but the words got caught in his throat as he saw the shining grin that was close to splitting his face in half.

"Are you okay?" Dirk looked at him with concern.

"Yeah." Jake's voice shook slightly, grin never wavering. "I've just never been to a cinema before and that's my favorite movie."

Dirk followed his line of sight to one of the walls covered in movie posters. "Which one?"

"All of them." Jake sighed happily.

Dirk looked at him in awe for a moment, and Jake met his glance, recovering from a brief emotional moment. "I just really love films!" His eyes were bright and he hopped from foot to foot excitedly. "Where do I pick up my tickets?"

Dirk pointed across the room, "You can use that booth over there." Jake narrowed in on it and started to walk briskly towards it.

He called over his shoulder, "I'll grab them and you get popcorn! Lots and lots of popcorn!"

Dirk looked after him for a moment before reexamining the movie posters. A few seconds ago they had seemed like a bunch of dumb cliché's but now they were somehow radiant. Huh. He walked off to get the popcorn.

Jake reached the booth and tapped the screen giddily. He began to type in his many digit confirmation code but after the first few letters and numbers two red triangles in the shape of Dirk's shades flashed on the screen and his tickets printed instantly. Jake narrowed his eyes suspiciously but the screen had returned to normal. He grabbed the tickets and reminded himself to yell at Hal for being impatient later.

The theater itself was on the smaller side because less people attended the throwback movie marathons than the modern box office hits. Nevertheless, the large screen took up the entire wall and the seats were plush red recliners, recently renovated. Jake walked excitedly to their row, backtracking a few steps after passing a familiar face.

"Karkat!" Jake waved excitedly and Karkat just grumbled and shifted further into his seat. "Hey!"

"Hey Jake!" John leaned forward from where he was hidden behind Karkat, grinning.

"Fancy meeting you guys here!" Jake looked between the two of them as Dirk caught up and stood behind him.

"I only agreed to come because Dave wouldn't and John kept whining about it." Karkat huffed, arms crossed. "There better be fucking complex romance in these movies."

"There is! Indiana Jones is an epic tale of adventure, action, mystery, and romance! You're in for a real treat if you've never seen it."

Karkat gave him a skeptical and grumpy look. "You're such a fucking nerd."

Dirk gave him a withering look over Jake's shoulder and Karkat's face softened apologetically. Jake didn't seem to be disturbed. "Well, enjoy the movie guys!"

Jake continued on his way to their seats, passing a girl with long brown hair dressed like Indiana Jones with a tan hat and coat. She looked up as they passed, waving as she recognized them. Aradia sat next to Sollux who looked just as happy to be there as Karkat. Jake would have stopped to chat but the lights in the theater began to dim so he rushed to their chairs.

Jake settled in comfortably, pushing a button on the side of his seat to push back the recliner and pull up a footrest mechanically. He could barely sit still this was so cool. The opening scene of the first movie appeared on the screen and Jake struggled to contain his excitement. His grandma had watched Indiana Jones with him at least once a week when he was younger; it was one of their favorite movies. He knew every line, every scene, every song, every piece of trivia. He had been Indiana Jones for Halloween one year, hunting monsters with his pistols as he roamed the island searching for candy his grandmother had hidden. He smiled at the thought.

Every few seconds he would look over at Dirk to see his reaction. His face looked as stoic as usual. Jake began to look over more and more often until eventually he wasn't even watching the movie, hell, he had it memorized anyway. Dirk's face was hard to read, Jake furrowed his brows in contemplation. Was it possible to not like Indiana Jones?

Dirk noticed Jake watching him. He kept his shades on even in the movies so he knew Jake couldn't tell he knew. He kept his face Strider-still and eventually Jake gave up and immersed himself in the film. After a few minutes Jake de-reclined his seat so he could sit forward, so enraptured by the screen. He jumped at all the scary moments; he threw every punch as Indy did. Dirk knew whenever a slow part was coming up because Jake would sit back in his seat and eat some popcorn. He knew if an action packed scene was about to come because Jake would start to get antsy and hit his arm with excitement. Dirk could read him like a book. Jake whooped with joy and almost got out of his seat whenever Indy did anything particularly cool or heroic, eyes shining. By the finale of the movie Dirk was pretty invested, attention torn between the plot and Jake. When the lights came on Jake was the first to clap, standing up animatedly. Aradia jumped in with a round of applause as well but nobody else in the theater was nearly as enthusiastic.

"Oh wow that was bloody brilliant." Jake came down from his end of the movie high and sighed contentedly. He looked over at Dirk, speaking quickly, "What did you think?!"

"It was pretty good actually." Dirk couldn't help but catch Jake's infectious good mood.

Jake smiled widely, "I knew you'd like it! Just wait we've got two more to go!" Two hours had already passed; it was going to be a long night.

Jake shifted his weight from foot to foot, "I'm going to run to the bathroom during the intermission!" He started to walk away before turning around and looking right at him, "Don't go anywhere!"

Dirk watched him leave quickly before laughing. Where would he even go?

Jake ran back into the theater as the lights dimmed again, sliding into his spot next to Dirk. Reassured that Dirk was thoroughly enjoying the franchise, Jake began to lean over the arm rest every few minutes to whisper in his ear.

"Ooh this is my favorite bit!"

"Did you know he improvised that line? I know!"

"You know that stunt is totally real."

Dirk leaned in towards him, goose bumps forming every time Jake breathed excitedly into his neck to tell him some fun fact.

"ENGLISH I KNOW THAT'S YOU PIPE THE FUCK DOWN!" Karkat's voice shouted from a few rows back and Jake looked over the top of his seat sheepishly. He mouthed "sorry" but Karkat was watching the movie again.

Jake thought for a moment before sitting up like he had a brilliant idea. The center armrests between every pair of seats were hinged and able to be pushed up to make the recliners into one couch-like seat. Neither of them had moved to push it up when they had first sat down but now Jake gripped it and moved it out of the way. He scooted over between the seats till their legs were touching and shimmied underneath Dirk's arm, head resting on his shoulder. He didn't seem perturbed by the lack of distance between them, whispering excitedly, "Now we can talk during the good parts!"

Dirk didn't take his eyes away from the screen, praying to any god that would listen that Jake couldn't see the blush creeping over his face. Suddenly very hot, it was a few minutes before he could even begin to relax his arm over Jake's shoulders. Jake went along as if nothing had changed, chatting in his ear whenever anything interesting came up.

Occasionally Dirk would turn his head slightly and ask plot questions in a low murmur, to which Jake would answer energetically with long whispered speeches. He seemed to calm down as the movie went on, settling into Dirk's arm instead of jumping up with the action. Now at a particularly thrilling scene Jake would grip the front of Dirk's shirt or pat his chest in anticipation.

The longer Jake's body was pressed up against his side the less Dirk could focus on the movie. All he could feel was the dull heat radiating off of his body, the way Jake's hair brushed against his jaw. Instead of watching the movie he listened to Jake's heartbeat, speeding up or slowing down as the plot developed. His face was so close, all Dirk would have to do was lift his chin and lean in to brush their lips together. He resisted the urge.

He spent the rest of the second movie in this state of blissful torture. Jake was so close, but he had to restrain himself from pushing him down into the recliner and pressing their lips together, from running his hand under his shirt and feeling the supple body beneath. The body that had been so close to him on the bike ride over and that was so close to him now. That smelled so woody and musky and intoxicating.

Indiana Jones. Focus. What was even happening?

The credits rolled and Dirk cursed himself mentally for barely paying attention to the entire conclusion. Jake sat up and Dirk's arm dropped. His left side suddenly felt cold, his heart fell in disappointment as Jake shifted back to his seat. Jake just grinned at him, "What did you think of that one?"

Dirk kept his face composed, nodding. "It was good." He hoped it wasn't too obvious that he had missed most of the second half. Jake smiled and looked like he was about to say something before he yawned, covering his mouth with a hand.

Dirk watched him. "Are you tired? Do you want to head back?"

"No!" Jake sat up straight, eyes that were tired looking a second before opening wide. "We have to watch all three!"

"Okay." Dirk said before something he saw over Jake's head caught his eye. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Jake nodded and stretched his arms, waiting for Dirk to leave before walking across the aisle to talk to Aradia.

Dirk walked quickly with long strides, following two figures in trench coats who were hurrying out of the theater. They didn't get far before he grabbed the back of their collars and dragged them over to a non-crowded hallway. He spun them around and pushed them against the wall, finding exactly what he suspected.

Jane had the good manners to look guilty, removing the bushy fake mustache she wore on her lip. Roxy only giggled, twisting the ends of her curled disguise.

"What are you two doing here?" Dirk spoke curtly, not amused.

Jade avoided his eye, folding immediately. "It was Roxy's idea."

Roxy looked offended, "Janey!"

Jane furrowed her eyebrows before elbowing her partner in crime. "Well, it was!"

"Heh, well you caught us red handed." Roxy shrugged and held up her hands in mock submission. "We just wanted to watch ya for a little bit."

Dirk let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his temples. "How did you even know we'd be here."

"Hal." Roxy's grin was unapologetic.

"I swear I'm going to destroy him one of these days." Dirk shook his head.

_No you won't ;) _flashed across his shades in red type.

"Fuck off."

"What?" Jane looked confused but Dirk ignored her.

"Can you leave now?"

"Aww why?" Roxy whined, pouting. "I'm actually getting into the movies. And I need more pictures for my scrapbook."

"Because it's weird that you're here!" Dirk said between gritted teeth. "Wait, your wha-"

"Hey guys!" Jake rounded the corner, waving happily.

"Fuck." Dirk tugged at his hair in exasperation.

"We're seeing so many people tonight! Who knew everybody loved Indiana Jones this much?" Jake walked over and beamed at the girls.

"Yeah what a koinkiedink!" Roxy smiled as Dirk glared daggers at her.

"I came to find Dirk but we should all get back inside! The Last Crusade is going to start in like a minute!" Jake grabbed Dirk's hand and pulled him back towards the theater. Dirk was too flustered to notice Roxy behind them squealing at an inhuman pitch.

Jake didn't make it through the last movie. Around an hour in he fell asleep on Dirk's shoulder, arm curled around his chest. Dirk watched it to the end with interest, rubbing Jake's shoulder absent mindedly. Every now and then Jake would stir in his sleep, sighing contentedly and curling closer to Dirk.

_Remind me to get a copy of this picture from Roxy later_, Hal typed across his line of vision.

_I hate all of you._

After the credits rolled to the end and all of the other people had left the theater Dirk shook Jake slightly. He kept sleeping soundly. Reassured that he was asleep, Dirk leaned down and kissed him softly on the forehead, soft brown hair tickling his face. Jake's eyes opened sleepily and he smiled up at Dirk, reaching up to cup his face. He sat up as he pulled Dirk closer, planting an equally soft kiss on his lips. Dirk's face flushed as Jake sat up all the way, stretching his arms upwards and cracking his back.

The employees of the theater came in to clean before the next movie and they took it as a signal to leave. Dirk linked their hands together loosely as they walked out to the parking lot, other hand hanging casually on his pocket. Jake talked about the movie all the way to the bike, asking Dirk questions about his favorite part and reenacting the best scenes. It was almost midnight before Dirk pulled up in front of Jade's apartment to drop Jake off.

They got off of the bike and removed their helmets, placing them on top of the seats.

"Thanks for coming tonight." Jake pulled Dirk closer by tugging on his jacket, smiling. "I know movies aren't really your thing but I had a very nice time."

"They're growing on me." Dirk grinned and leaned forward, snaking his arms around Jake's waist. Jake reached up to thread one of his hands through Dirk's hair, the other stroking the underside of his jaw. Their lips met again, this time with more fire than sweetness, moving together quickly. A roaring heat spread through Jake's body, pooling at the pit of his stomach. Jake tugged lightly on Dirk's hair as Dirk's hand roamed lower to grip his ass. Jake hummed in appreciation as he pulled himself even closer, biting softly at Dirk's lower lip. He was reaching forward to touch the skin under the hem of Dirk's shirt when his phone rang, buzzing loudly in his pocket.

He pulled back reluctantly, panting slightly. His lips were red and full from kissing, he just stared at Dirk's face for a few breaths before remembering his phone and pulling it out of his pocket.

"Hey Jade. Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Yup I'm outside. I'll be up in a bit. Okay." He hung up. "I've got to go." He looked up at Dirk, unwillingness written all over his face. Dirk leaned down and left one last chaste kiss on his lips.

"Pester me, okay?" Jake looked up from beneath dark lashes.

"Of course."

Jake waited until Dirk had driven completely out of sight before walking upstairs, stomach full of butterflies.

**Hey guys! Sorry for the delay with this chapter - I got really busy very suddenly haha. To make up for the time gap here's the longest chapter so far. Thank you for all of your comments and as always thanks for reading :)**


	16. Chapter 16

He didn't pester. He didn't call. Jake didn't see him around town. By day five Jake started to panic.

Jade watched with concern as Jake hurriedly paced their small living room, alternating between twiddling his thumbs and worrying the hem of his shirt.

"Maybe he just got really busy. Or left on a trip? Striders can be really mysteriously distant sometimes." Jade rubbed the top of Bec's head as he wagged his tail lazily.

Jake glanced over at her in frustration before continuing to pace.

"Have you tried talking to him first?"

Jake stopped pacing to sit onto the couch, elbows on his shaking knees and chin resting anxiously on his fists. "Yes. No response. And the same silence from Hal."

"What about Roxy and Jane?"

"Roxy is super busy with club stuff and Jane stutters a lot and switches the subject to baking or men with mustaches."

Jade frowned and started to reach for her phone. "Do you want me to talk to Dave?"

"NO!" Jake shot up, eyes frantic. "I don't want to look stupid. Or desperate for his attention. If he doesn't want to talk to me he doesn't want to talk to me." His gaze hardened as he started to pace again. "Blimey, I just want to SHOOT SOMETHING!"

He grabbed his pistols off of a table by the couch and fired two rounds at a target on the far wall. It was already coated in several layers of peeling green paint from earlier in the morning and shuddered under the force of the blasts. Jake panted as his arms fell to his side uselessly.

In a much softer voice, "Did I do something wrong?"

Jade stood up angrily and punched him in the shoulder. "Obviously not, stop being a dummy."

"Then. Why. Is. He. Ignoring. Me." Jake fired shot after shot into the wall, punctuating each word with the dull thud of paint on wood.

"Just give him some time. I'm sure it's not a big deal. Let's take Bec to the park." Jade nudged him with an elbow and Bec took his cue to walk over and wind around them both, nudging nose challenging Jake to another game of tug-of-war.

Jake tried to keep looking frustrated but couldn't help but break a smile as he met two pairs of signature Harley puppy-dog eyes. "Okay, fine, fine." He raised his arms in defeat as Bec began to jump happily around him in a circle.

Jade smiled to conceal her concern and ushered Jake and Bec out the door in front of her. She had known the Striders long enough to recognize their ways. Dirk was usually extremely pushy, almost obsessive when he found something to obsess over. She had worried about him and Jake for a moment when the two had begun to show an interest in each other, but this was the exact opposite of what she had been worried about.

She pushed her worries to the side, it was a stunning day. Jake and Bec took advantage of it by racing around the park for a few hours before collapsing into a sweaty heap. Jake laughed the loudest Jade had heard from him in the past few days as Bec laid on top of him, tail wagging excitedly and slapping his arm. They relaxed in the morning sun for a few minutes, panting from the unanticipated exercise.

A gust of wind blew and Bec's head suddenly shot to attention, turning to look across the street.

Jake struggled to sit up through his laughter and heavy breathing. "What is it, boy? It better not be another squirrel because you cheated last time."

He followed Bec's line of sight to see a familiar thin frame struggling beneath a large and teetering pile of boxes. Bec bounded over to greet the new distraction as Jake ran behind him, holding his arms out to catch the bottom box just as the pile started to sway towards the ground. Roxy's cropped blonde head and bright pink eyes emerged from behind the tower, her face visibly painted with relief.

"Whew, thanks Jakey. You're a life saver as always." She blew out a puff of air as she threw her long knitted scarf over her neck and gave Bec's head a light pat. "Although maybe I shouldda dropped these dumb things."

"Oh it's no trouble. Why, what are they?" Jake looked quizzically at the outside of the boxes, they were all adorned with a simple picture of a boring green square.

"I ordered these fuckin' sweet pink globe things and they sent me these dumb generic green cubes. They made a mistake in the order but I have an event coming up tonight so I gotta deal." Roxy rubbed her temples before perking up as she thought of an idea. "Maybe I can like, build sick forts out of them! They can be like cool building blocks for customers and I'll hide inside a big pyramid like a cool sexy sphinx." She seemed lost in thought. "Yeah that'll be fuckin' rad."

Jake began to struggle slightly under the weight of the boxes and she seemed to notice that he had been standing there the whole time. "Oh! Sorry, could you carry them over to the truck?" She heaved a few boxes off of the top of the pile with a grunt and started to walk towards a large black truck with NIX written on the side in pink. "Usually Dirk helps me with this heavy lifting stuff but with him sick I gotta do everything myself."

"With him WHAT?" Jake dropped his boxes into the bed of the truck with a loud THUNK, staring open-eyed at Roxy.

She put her boxes down as well, looking at him quizzically for a moment before realization dawned in her eyes. "Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. Fuck fuck fuck, Jakey forget I said anything!"

"What do you mean forget? What's wrong with him?" Jake stepped towards her, eyes searching for answers. Roxy just threw both manicured hands over her mouth and shook her head. "No no no Jake you can't know about that he'll kill me oh my god."

Jake's eyebrows furrowed as he took another step forward. He almost growled, "Roxy."

"Jake, stop. Fuck. Oh man I'm in such deep shit."

Jake exhaled sadly, anger leaving him, and sat down on the edge of the truck bed. He held his head in his hands and sighed. "I don't want to get you in trouble. I just want to know why everyone is ignoring me. And now lying to me, I guess."

Roxy didn't last a minute against the patented English/Harley family pout. "AW, JAKEY." She curled up next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. "Fuck, well I guess I'm already in trouble for telling you might as well tell you the whole thing."

Jake looked up curiously as she sat back and leaned against the side of the truck. "Ugh he's gonna be so mad." She closed her eyes, seeming to fix her resolve. "Whenever Dirk gets sick he goes a little crazy." She rolled her eyes, "I know he's like a fucking stoic basket case normally but even more so. He kicks Dave out of the apartment and locks the doors and he doesn't let anybody in 'till he's better. I honestly don't even know what goes on in there but I know he turns into a freaking mess."

"You never tried to help him?" Jake seemed slightly taken aback.

"Fuck yeah we did! Don't look at me like that I'm an excellent friend." She lifted up the side of her hair to reveal a light scar along the side of her ear. "See that? When we were in high school Rose and I tried to sneak up on him to give him some food and he THREW A FUCKING SAMURAI SWORD AT ME!" She rubbed the spot, "It makes me look like a badass now but I was really pissed at the time." She looked at him seriously, "He's not just ignoring you, he's ignoring everybody. We all learned to leave him alone 'till he comes out. You should too."

"But, he's sick! We should – I should help him!" Jake sat up earnestly, sadness overpowered by sympathy.

"Jake that's adorable and shit but I would really, really advise against going over there right now. I think you're the last person he would want to see him when he's all messed up."

"That's stupid, he needs help. Nobody should be alone when they're sick." Jake pictured all the cold nights his grandmother had lit a fire in his bedroom, all the headaches she rubbed his forehead to soothe, all the warm soups and adventure stories. He set his face determinedly, "I'm going over there."

Roxy let out a deep breath, knowing a stubborn look when she saw one. "It's your funeral. Try not to tell him I'm the one who told you, okay? He's going to be so mad."

Jake jumped off of the truck and heard Jade calling his name from across the street. "I'll try to cover for you." He pulled her into a quick hug, "And thanks for telling me, Roxy. I was worried you all hated me for a second there."

"Oh shaddup, you. As if that's possible." Roxy rolled her eyes but grinned into his shoulder.

"I'll let you know how it goes!" Jake started to jog back to the park and waved over his shoulder.

Roxy waved back and closed up the truck, shaking her head. He didn't know what he was getting himself into.

**I know this chapter's a bit short but it's a nice set up for the next series of events wonk wonk. I know updates are slowing down I end up having more work than I anticipated and can only really write on the weekends. Thank you for your continued readership! **


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